/ 16 March 2003

Secret of Idasa’s success

Zimbabwe’s Zanu-PF-led government dismissed a seminar on Zimbabwe — that was organised by the Institute for Democracy in South Africa (Idasa) — as part of a ‘British-led campaign to isolate the country following a series of diplomatic successes by Harare”, according a report in The Herald.

The newspaper claimed that Idasa was funded by the British Council and the Westminister Foundation. Apparently responding to the report, Idasa’s Paul Graham, who was hosting the seminar’s opening, announced tongue-in-cheek that anyone wanting to find out about the institute’s donors should contact him.

A voice quipped from the back: ‘Yeah, reveal the Harksens and the Palazzolos!” The voice belonged to the Democratic Alliance’s deputy leader Joe Seremane.

Just not cricket

Just to remind readers of a time when the nutter up north was known as quite a reasonable fellow, Oom Krisjan has dredged up a quote from Robert Mugabe circa 1984: ‘Cricket? It civilises people and creates good gentlemen. I want everyone to play cricket in Zimbabwe. I want ours to be a nation of gentlemen.” Clearly, the so-called war veterans failed to appreciate the virtues of the game.

Better things

Readers will know that Pepsi has sole advertising rights at the cricket World Cup. After South Africa’s dismal performance perhaps Dr Ali Bacher will realise that ‘Things go better with Coke” — or, in Percy Sonn’s case, ‘Things go better with brandy and Coke.” Hoor, hoor.

Street wise

In response to Oom Krisjan’s mention that the Jozi streets are to be renamed, a reader has suggested Commissar Street (for Commissioner Street) in honour of the South African Communist Party’s contribution to present-day politics.

Bleep, bleep

Back in the old days the South African censors were a lot of fun. No, they didn’t let the public see or read very much, but they provided entertainment of their own — for example, banning children’s classic Black Beauty on the basis of its title — and gave a generation of satirists a lot of new material. Then along came Kobus van Rooyen, who spoiled the party. Suddenly the censors, instead of being the laughing stock of the artistic community, were sane and reasonable people.

Things have come to such a pretty pass that the Film and Publication Board (for such are the censors now known) has sent out a statement to distance itself from a recent announcement that there will be a new D (God) rating for movies.

Apparently rumours have been doing the rounds that, as a result of an agreement between the two major distributors and Christian groups, any film with more than two references to the Here would fall into a new classification category.

Oom Krisjan was very surprised. In the past the word ‘God” was never heard in the bioscope — at least not from anyone on the screen. In the beginning was the word, and the word was ‘Bleep”.

Well fed

It’s well-known that a bit of power corrupts (and its corollary), and equally frequently a bit of power goes directly to the recipient’s head. Newly appointed KwaZulu-Natal MEC for Economic Development and Tourism Roger Burrows seems to be taking his new position very seriously. He signed the guest book at a prestigious piesangland restaurant recently, and modestly put ‘Roger & Mrs Burrows” in the name column. But the address column was somewhat surprising. He now resides at the Ministries (sic) of Economic Development and Tourism. Unfortunately, the splendour of this address left no room for comments on the meal!