Here in the Dorsbult the manne are very pleased that it is the World Cup cricket final on Sunday. We’re happy because the rooinekke aren’t playing at the Wanderers and happy that by Monday life will have returned to normal and we can watch the important sports — like darts, mud-wrestling and rugby — again on the box.
However, we don’t seem to be the only ones suffering from cricket-fatigue. Last Friday’s over-by-over match report of the India vs New Zealand game on The Guardian‘s website featured Scott Murray losing it big time:
”It’s really simple: India are already through, New Zealand have to win. ”Meanwhile, have you ever thought WHAT SORT OF LIFE IS THIS AND WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING BOARDING A TRAIN FOR MOORGATE AT 6.30 IN THE MORNING AND THEN STANDING AROUND FOR AGES WAITING FOR A TUBE WHILE STARING AT A SIGN TELLING YOU THAT IF YOU WAIT FOR FOUR MINUTES YOU CAN BOARD A TRAIN TO UXBRIDGE I’D RATHER WAIT FOUR HOURS FOR A JOURNEY WITH THE GRIM REAPER QUITE FRANKLY AND THEN YOU GET TO WORK AND THEN THERE’S THIS AND I KNOW THE CRICKET’S GOOD AND ALL THAT BUT I’VE GOT OUT OF THE WRONG SIDE OF BED THIS MORNING AND IN ANY CASE IT’S NOT AS IF I’LL WRITE A CRACKING MATCH REPORT AND THEN GET REWARDED BY BEING SENT ON A WONDERFUL ASSIGNMENT AROUND THE WORLD BECAUSE I’LL BE VERY SURPRISED IF ANY OF MY BOSSES WILL READ ANY OF THIS LET’S BE HONEST THEY WON’T ALTHOUGH ON THE OTHER HAND THAT’S PROBABLY JUST AS WELL HEY I WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO GET AWAY WITH TYPING THINGS LIKE THIS KIqL!UYS^%$DFLI ZSDSAFC SFE4O92 )(^(*^o”$ bBLKU E875O3 96*&^%o*”$ogb
”LOOK I’M SORRY THIS ISN’T EXACTLY THE SORT OF QUALITY EDITORIAL COPY YOU EXPECT FROM THE GUARDIAN BUT LOOK AT THE FACTS I’M ADRIFT IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE OF THE WORST CITIES IN THE WORLD SITTING IN FRONT OF THE SAME COMPUTER SCREEN I FACE DAY AFTER INTERMINABLE DAY HELL I COULD BE WAKING UP IN SAY THE MALDIVES OR SYDNEY OR COPENHAGEN OR A CROFTER’S COTTAGE IN SKYE AND GOING FOR A WALK IN THE CRISP MORNING AIR?”
And you thought the Mail & Guardian‘s Zebulon Dread was fed up with the game.
PointÂÂ
You know things are strange in the world when the best rapper is white, the best golfer is black, and Germany doesn’t want to go to war.
A dead bat
As we all know, there is no love lost between the coalition partners in piesangland. After everyone had been scratching each other’s eyes out, MEC for Economic Development and Tourism Roger Burrows showed them how to play the game — you kill the opposition with compliments. Speaking on a public platform inaugurating a development project last week, he refused to take any credit for the initiative. He rather thanked his predecessor, the African National Congress’s Mike Mabuyakhulu, for his foresight in getting the project off the ground. In that way, Burrows looked like a nice guy — and has got his excuses in first if anything goes wrong.
Cow corner
As the world lurches inexorably towards war in the Gulf (again), Oom Krisjan is pleased to note that not all scientists are working on weapons of mass destruction. In fact, researchers in Aberdeen, Scotland, are waging a major battle of their own — against global warming.
It seems that bovine and ovine flatulence is responsible for a quarter of Britain’s methane gas emissions. Yes, cows and sheep are to blame for 25% (rising to 46% in Scotland) of the country’s production of that harmful gas. A single dairy cow produces about 400 litres of methane a day.
The Scottish scientists have developed a food additive — a mixture of organic sugars and a special bacterium developed at the Rowett Research Institute — that has cut methane emissions from cows by a fifth in trials.
There aren’t that many cattle out here in the Groot Marico — but, especially after a good meal of Tant Sarie’s pap and beans, the manne think we might be in need of this additive.
No-balled
Provincial politics in piesangland provide plenty of material for this column. Lemmer does not know whether it’s the humidity or the curry that spices up debate in KwaZulu-Natal. But the latest twis from the Ethekwini Council concerns knickers — and, in particular, how a G-string became a racist item.
The matter began when Minority Front councillor Visvin Reddy allegedly told his mother-in-law: ”I will make your daughter sell her last panties and bed linen in the streets.” Charges of crimen injuria against him were withdrawn in the Chatsworth Magistrate’s Court because of lack of evidence, but the matter didn’t end there.
Democratic Alliance councillor Geoff Pullan decided to have a bit of fun and purchased a pink G-string on his way to the office one morning. While Reddy was speaking in the council, Pullan pulled out the G-string and wiped his brow with it.
Unfortunately for Pullan, no one else saw any humour in his action and he was expelled from the session. Reddy has called on the council to suspend the joker.
But what puzzles Oom Krisjan is the African National Congress’s reaction. Regional secretary John Mchunu claims Pullan’s action was racially motivated and that the DA man ”is equating the Indian community to underwear”.