There’s one day of the year on which you should always look at the news media a little skeef, so to speak, and that’s on April 1. All the silly stories that journalists have lurking in their twisted little minds appear on the front pages — and this often gets people who haven’t checked their calendars in a bit of a tizz.
So on Tuesday, when the manne read that Swazi radio’s ”Man in Baghdad”, Phesheya Dube, had actually been broadcasting from a broom closet in Mbabane, we all had a good laugh, thinking it was just another April Fool’s grappie.
However, it seems the station’s loyal listeners were the ones who had been taken for fools. Swazi MPs saw Dube in Parliament at the weekend, and immediately starting asking questions about this rather foreign correspondent, who claimed to have been broadcasting ”live from Iraq”. Oom Krisjan doesn’t know quite how far-reaching this con job was, as Swazi radio declined to answer questions on their Mata Harry.
Well, they do say truth is the first casualty of war.
Also proving this point — but from the other extreme — was Peter Arnett. The famed former CNN correspondent, who really is in Iraq, was fired by United States news network NBC for telling an interviewer that America’s war plan had failed. So much for the ”land of the free” and the First Amendment.
Lemmer’s sympathy for the Pulitzer Prize-winner was a little tempered, however, when Arnett immediately took a job with the British muck-raking tabloid, the Daily Mirror.
Falling for it
There were some stories in Tuesday’s media that were genuine April Fool’s jokes — if you can describe them like that. The Natal Witness caught out readers twice. Msunduzi mayor Hloni Zondi was surprised only that no municipal official was quoted in what he thought was an excellent report about a new R1,3-billion dam to be built in the Umgeni Valley (replete with cruise liners and small cargo vessels). But residents of Sleepy Hollow were up in arms when they read that the statue of Queen Victoria outside the provincial legislature buildings in Pietermaritz-burg was to be removed.
Afrikaans newspaper Beeld must have had a few concerned phone calls after their article reporting that Iraqi President Saddam Hussein had been offered a post as an adviser to the fuel industry. The report said that as part of the package, Saddam would be flown to South Africa in President Thabo Mbeki’s presidential jet, which would be fitted with a missile defence system.
Not teflon-coated
Oom Krisjan hears that there is a very simple explanation for Deputy Minister of Minerals and Energy Susan Shabangu’s shenanigans at Johannesburg International airport recently. For those who did not follow the story, Shabangu is facing charges of public indecency as she lifted her dress after repeatedly setting off the metal detectors. Lemmer’s source assures him that Shabangu was merely showing off the latest loveLife chastity belt for deputies. They, unlike the teflon ones for full ministers, still have a heavy metal content.
Tender trappings
In Polokwane City in Limpopo there is a whole new suburb filling up with extraordinary new mansions that is informally — and not so tenderly — referred to as ”Tender Park”. Here the bathrooms are larger than most houses in Mahwelereng in Mokopane, and the garages — which house at least one 4×4 and another top-range vehicle — are at least three times the size of a Reconstruction and Development Programme house.
Sticky wicket
Devoted Indian cricket followers have a theory about why the Indians failed to put up a strong resistance against the Aussie onslaught at the Wanderers last month. They ate themselves sick! Apparently the Indian sports minister had flown down to Johannesburg the day before the final with greetings from the Indian prime minister and boxes of Indian sweets for the players. And as the sports minister opened the first box of sweets to offer it to the officials gathered at a press conference, Indian captain Sourav Ganguly could be heard complaining that the sports minister’s generosity had already deprived the players of a substantial share of the sweets.
Straight shooting
Minister of Education Kader Asmal seldom lets slip an opportunity to shoot himself in the foot, but he managed to outdo himself this week. The row over pupils and guns has been complicated recently by Kader’s decision to promote shooting in schools. That’s target shooting, in case you’re concerned. But it appears many schools that do have guns for this questionable sporting activity seem to lose track of them and the police are a little concerned about putting more weapons at the disposal of teenage hoodlums.
So, we were treated to some typical Kader doublespeak: ”I wish to reiterate that we have never deviated from our policy to declare schools gun-free zones, even as we were seeking to make target shooting accessible to all. Our position remains that schools must be rid of all dangerous weapons or substances.”
Lemmer doesn’t quite see how.
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