Here in the Dorsbult we’re still struggling to learn all 11 official languages. And they’re real languages, too, so spare a thought for the mental-health authorities in Multnomah County in Oregon, United States. There, the department that caters for 60 000 sanity-challenged mense has to provide interpreters for the 54 languages spoken by its clients.
Finding an interpreter for the 55th, however, is proving something of a problem. There are so many people under its care who sincerely believe that Klingon, the language created for the cult sci-fi series Star Trek, is a ware taal that they’re looking for a Klingon-English interpreter. ”There are some cases where we’ve had patients where this was all they would speak,” a county official told Associated Press.
The language, which was invented by trained linguist Marc Okrand for a warrior race of aliens inStar Trek, is entirely fictional, but contains comprehensive rules of grammar and syntax and an extensive vocabulary that is continually being updated. Okrand also invented a Vulcan language for Star Trek, but Lemmer is sad to note there is as yet no call for pointy-eared Vulcan interpreters.
* Be warned. This is a strong insult in Klingon, that translates as ”Your mother has a smooth forehead”. Do not blame Oom Krisjan if you try it out on a home affairs official and get transported to a galaxy far, far away.
Carpetbaggers
If there is a buck to be made, some South African business seems determined to make it — even if it is off the back of hard-pressed consumers. Plastic bags are the hot money-spinner at present.
A trusted source of Oom Krisjan had to fork out 55c for the large-sized thick bags that Mr Price handed out for free a day before the new regulations came into force on May 9. Woolworths, the upmarket food supplier, charges a minimum of 46c for its plastic bags, and R1 for the larger, funkily decorated ones. In keeping with upmarketism, its cashiers are now refusing to pack goodies into plastic bags without the Woollies logo — at least in several shops in the visdorpie. And Pick ‘n Pay is charging between 25c and 46c for different-sized thick plastic bags, much more for a ”special” large bag and R6 for the green bags.
Perhaps saved by continuing high book prices, Exclusive Books at least still gives out its thick bags for free!
Oxymoron corner
South Africa’s intelligence services keep on shooting themselves in the foot. Recently it was revealed that the wall of remembrance at its headquarters was torn down — to be rebuilt at a later stage elsewhere.
Now it appears it has named its recently established training academy in Mafikeng after none other than Mzwandile Piliso, who was identified in an official commission of inquiry as having been involved in human rights abuses in the African National Congress Quatro detention camp in Angola during the Eighties.
PC police
Oom Krisjan hopes the CEO of the Government Communication and Information Service, Joel Netshitenzhe, never tries to e-mail something to a friend at the Free State legislature. One of the manne tried to send an e-mail to a friend there this week, and the e-mail contained Joel’s last name. The e-mail administrator returned the message with a prissy note that a sensitive and/or swear word had been picked up. Seems someone in Bloem has decided ”Netshitenzhe” is full of it.
Two-faced
As everyone watched Mad Bad Bob amble along with wife Grace to sprinkle soil on Walter Sisulu’s coffin, no one noted the irony in the picture except perhaps the Movement for Democratic Change’s shadow foreign minister, Moses Mzila. Mzila, a former member of Zapu, which, unlike Zanu-PF, had strong ties with the ANC during the bad old days, revealed to the Mail & Guardian that during the early 1990s when Sisulu was visiting Zimbabwe, Old Bob had refused to meet him. And now that Mugabe was in desperate need of some credibility he decided to fly down for the old man’s funeral with an entire entourage of ministers. Wonder what Sisulu would have to say if he was watching from up above?
That’s class
On the subject of our much-missed leader, Lemmer would like to note that grace and style runs in that family. Despite her grief, Albertina Sisulu took the time this week to thank the nation and the world for messages of support, while son Max personally phoned to thank the media for their handling of Walter’s death.
Sex stars
Lemmer does not believe that his future can be foretold in beams of light that began their journey way before Adam was a twinkle in God’s eye, but occasionally those who don’t take astrology too seriously come up with something worthwhile.
So here’s how you can tell your partner’s star sign by what he or she says after sex:
Aries: Okay, let’s do it again.
Taurus: I’m hungry — pass the pizza.
Gemini: Have you seen the TV remote?
Cancer: When are we getting married?
Leo: Wasn’t I fantastic?
Virgo: I need to wash the sheets!
Libra: I liked it if you liked it.
Scorpio: Perhaps I should untie you.
Sagittarius: Don’t call me — I’ll call you.
Capricorn: Do you have a business card?
Aquarius: Now let’s try it with our clothes off.
Pisces: What did you say your name was?
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