/ 30 July 2003

Censorship, churches and Cthulhu

Take a look at this photograph and article which ran in the London Evening Standard, supposedly showing huge celebrating crowds in Iraq, cheering the invaders — sorry, liberators. Then look closely at the analysis and close-ups of the photograph, showing a mind-numbingly blatant bit of faking and retouching. Faked Iraq Photograph.

And if you’d like to see a collection of uncensored film clips and photographs showing what was and is happening in Iraq, go cautiously towards Uncensored Iraq War Media.

To see how United States soldiers are conducting themselves in a subjugated country, consider the following article about alleged thieves being stripped naked and made to parade in the streets by US troops. Here’s an English-language article, which doesn’t show the pictures — US Troops Strip ‘Thieves’.

And here’s an even shorter article from The New York Post.

To see the pictures that the Western media quietly decided to ignore, go to the newspaper in Norway that broke the story: US Troops Strip Civilians — Pictures.

Now that you’re a bit closer to the real world, what would you say to evidence showing that the British Army and its intelligence services colluded with “loyalists” in Ireland to kill Catholics? (Presumably, to justify the continued occupation, and keep Ireland nicely divided.) Go read British Army Murder.

There’s an election coming and if you think that this country is worse off than it was in 1994, get ready to vote out this government, and put someone else in power. If the next guys suck as well, guess what? We can vote them out too. There, it’s that simple. It’s not racism, or counter-revolutionary speech, or a desire for any return to apartheid. It’s called democracy. So ignore this current government’s paranoid Orwellian attacks on anyone against it, and understand that democracy means being able to kick out useless governments and try new ones. To see what you’re not being told about the attack on our hard-won freedom, read the article I wrote dealing with The SA Electronics Bill.

Horror writer HP Lovecraft came up with a monstrous creature that could surpass our current president in a number of ways, ranging from being much better-looking, more articulate, far more violent and having way more tentacles than Thabo, even when he’s on a bender. (Gee, I think I’m the first person to mention this long-lived rumour about our president in print.) If you have the spare cash, why not consider registering a Cthulhu Party and publicise Cthulhu for President? (For beginners to the fun, shrieking horror of much nastier, bigger and older gods than that Christian one, upgrade your cultural information at The Cthulhu Mythos FAQ.

And to read one of the formative short stories by Lovecraft about the much-cooler-than-Thabo gigantic monster, read The Call of Cthulhu.

If you’re too lazy to look HP Lovecraft up, try starting off at the Eldritch Horror.

And then, just to scare and irritate the so-called “regular” religious types, here’s a cheerful, tongue-in-cheek crusade to spread the word of Cthulhu amongst the young, just like the “other” younger religions do, at Campus Crusade for Cthulhu!

Speaking of large, frightening things that few have seen and lived to tell the tale, let’s take a look at some churches, just to provide options for those times when you feel inadequate and want to pass the metaphysical buck to some unseen supernatural entity — as opposed to pulling your finger out and fixing things by yourself. Elvis may have left the building, but unlike many targets of prayer, this king actually existed, and there’s a mountain of factual evidence to show his good works while on Earth. So even though you ain’t nothing but a hound dog, Elvis cares for you. Put on your blue shoes and love me tender at The First Presbyterian Church of Elvis the Divine.

I’ve covered this next church before, but given its hardcore approach and cool combo of philosophical reality check and blatant negativity, it really is worthy of consideration. Any church with the tagline “Save the planet — kill yourself” gets my vote. Restrain your sheep-like urge to run, and instead look past the deliberately aggressive stance and use of shock tactics and read what it says at the Church of Euthanasia.

I’ve been a fully registered minister for a number of years now. Yes, I’m technically the Reverend Ian Fraser — and can conduct baptisms, wedding, funeral. I signed up and become an ordained minister for free at the Universal Life Church. Why don’t you go and sign up and legally begin using your new title, to impress people and score free parking and respect from those who think it matters, at Become an Ordained Minister?

That’s not to say religion should be taken lightly; some religions shouldn’t be taken at all, in fact. Then there are religions that you wish would open a franchise — sorry, a “church” — in your neighbourhood. For instance, try the church that always makes me smile. (And that’s what religions all about, isn’t it?) On your knees at The Church of the Blind Chihuahua.

Religion brings out all sorts of things in humans, mostly the urge to kill everyone else who doesn’t believe in what they do. (Ambrose Bierce defined blasphemy as “Your irreverence towards MY deity”.) But mass murder and misogyny aside, go take a look at a small sample of some of the very strange records that the “deeply religious” (or “deeply deranged”) have released to help spread their own take on their faith. Strange Religious Records.

My all-time favourite online religion, which has millions of devotees and holds wild public “devivals” every now and again, is the Church of the Sub Genius. Picture a get-together that combines strippers, music, lectures on sociology and economics, all wrapped around a fake “deity” who looks like a 1950s Boys Own cartoon, then add a good dose of humour, large helpings of UFO lore, and you have the Reverend Bob Dobbs and The Church of the Sub Genius. Consider their basic tenets:

a) If you suspect that things are much worse than you ever suspected;

b) If the only thing you’ve been able to laugh at for the past five years is the fact that nothing is funny anymore;

c) If you sometimes want to collar people on the street and scream that you’re more different than they could possible imagine;

d) If you see the whole universe as one vast morbid sense of sick humour;

e) If the current “Age of Progress” seems more like the Dark Ages to you — and finally;

f) If you are looking for an inherently contradictory religion that will condone megadegeneracy and yet tell you that you are “above” everyone else … go do some reading and get some slack into your life, at The Church of the Sub Genius.

More Info at More Slack!

And for lots of great stickers to print out, showing the central Sub Genius “Deity” Bob Dobbs, go browse and grab Bob Has a Posse!

Until the next time, if the unforgiving religious ones don’t get me.

Ian Fraser is a playwright, author, comedian, conspiracy nut, old-time radio collector and self-confessed data-junkie. Winner of numerous Vita and Amstel awards, he’s been an Internet addict and games-fanatic since around 1995, when the Internet began to make much more sense than theatre.