One of the reasons that closet fascist governments worldwide have been
rapidly introducing more and more legislation to control and monitor the
Internet, is because now Democracy is available to the lazy. In other words,
you don’t need to get up off the couch and go onto the street to protest
anything, its all available to you via your keyboard and monitor. So its
fairly simple to raise hell and chaos online, and then pick up the pizza and
continue watching movies, without any effort.
As an example, go grab some pizza via www.debonairs.com. (And no, no one’s bribed me to put the link here, but we at the Mail & Guardian are open to all free vegetarian food offers.) It hasn’t been updated in a while, but take a look at the laudable efforts by some local pizza fans to provide a one-stop local ‘pizza worship site’ at Pizza Web.
Next up, it’s almost certain that local government is now looking at your
email – and flagging mails with keywords, for further closer inspection. You
can block them by beginning to use encryption with your email. This also
prevents your ISP from being able to read your email, or store it for any
government or law enforcement use. So learn how to make it real difficult
for anyone else to read your email, and irritate any unauthorised swines who
might be reading your mail: PGP Encryption Questions and Answers and PGP FAQ.
And also dip into the links for cryptography.
That done, the pizza getting munched, most governments are within reach of
us pizza-fans, so for a wide selection of governments to regale with emails
on whatever you feel like, without regard to asking anyone local for
permission, try Governments On The Web. If that’s not enough, head over to Governments.
For general info on different countries, try the aptly named
Information Please.
Then dive into the links and data at Political Resources.
If you feel like protesting without the anguish of sunburn and having your
photo taken by embassy officials – then why not hurl cyber-abuse? It’s a lot
more fun, and quicker to achieve. (Remember that the CIA tend to place their
local operatives and structures within the ‘cultural’ sections of their
embassy staff.) So, try the local US embassy.
Of course you could always stick your nose in and irritate US embassies in
Angola,
Egypt,
Jerusalem,
Kenya or
Zimbabwe.
Speaking of Zimbabwe – seeing as the ANC aren’t bothering with the ruler
who’s behaving like Godzilla with dysentry – why not send wildly abusive or
obscene emails to the Zimbabwean government on the ANC’s behalf? Tell them I
sent you, I don’t mind. (If you’re scared, make a hotmail email account NOT
using your own name or email address anywhere in the signup, and send from
there.) Be cheerfully rude at the Zimbabwean government.
Or else, if you’re in need of a good anger venting, say whatever comes to mind at the headquarters of Zanu PF.
All email worldwide is being sniffed through by a global network known as Echelon. So even this column, as I’ve sent it in to a local address prior to publication, has no doubt been automatically tagged and looked over by operatives – however, if I’d encrypted it, they wouldnt have been able to spot it. Read Inside Echelon.
And for a glimpse of the below-the-radar warfare around Echelon reading all
of our emails, try Cypher War.
If you’re looking for nice pix of flags of the world, to mess around with in
Photoshop and anger politicians and people who don’t realise that
‘patriotism’ is the last refuge of child molesters – then find what you need
at Flags of the World.
As regards political parties – the only one with any integrity (as can be
seen by the German version of it) and which needs to be brought in locally,
is the Green Party.
Alternatively, I find that taking the p*ss out of the entire concept is
often a wiser move, such as at this next party, which uses the slogan ‘vote
for insanity, you know it makes sense’ – try the Monster Raving Looney
Party. Also consider the sense of trying the Loony offshoot of the Monster Raving Loonies, known as the Rock n Roll Loony Party. Or maybe you just need to get back to grassroots levels at the
Marijuana Reform Party.
In case all the talk of politics is scaring you, here’s more online pizza .
Most of our ancestors came from the prisons and asylums of Holland – however
most of the sane decent people stayed behind in the Netherlands to make one
of the most sensible and well-run governments in the world. Given the stupid
arguing locally over childish issues like ‘morality’ – why not look at The
Netherlands to see how happy and peaceful society gets, when you legalise
drugs, drug use, prostitution and sexual choices, and keep governments’ ugly
face out of citizens personal morals and choices. Start your journey
towards reality at Holland.
Then watch an incredible full length documentary online – Sex, Drugs and Democracy – which should be required watching for all the socially immature local whining types.
Then leaving the starving masses and political instability to one side, go
learn how to make your own pizza at Italian Food Forever.
And why worry about a crime rate that kills 6 times the daily numbers that
apartheid did, when you have the chance to learn how to make Mexican Pizza?
Finally, I’m not suggesting that just eating pizza and emailing rude
messages to political leaders is all that can be done to make oneself feel
better, but it’s a good start. I mean see how you feel heading
straight to the
ANC Feedback Form,
then follow up your invective rant with perving at food porn at
Pizza Recipes.
Until the next time – if politicians who hate pizza fans don’t get me…
Ian Fraser is a playwright, author, comedian, conspiracy nut, old-time radio collector and self-confessed data-junkie. Winner of numerous Vita and Amstel Awards, he’s been an Internet addict and games-fanatic since around 1995, when the Internet began to make much more sense than theatre.