/ 4 August 2003

Education online

One of the joys about the Internet is the ability it provides to educate you and teach you things on a variety of levels. Which is why governments are using every boogeyman they can find to institute harsher and more restrictive laws to block the ‘Net and send you back to passively watching TV.

But let’s start off at least, with some fairly simple teaching resources that won’t catch Big Brothers’ eye. Curious about what degree of stress you’re living under? Ignore all the stupid consumer products which will supposedly ‘remove stress from your life’, and take this online test — and work out whether you’re actually doing okay, or whether you need to start stocking up on ammunition for the day you go beserk in a shopping mall. How To Survive Unbearable Stress.

Alternatively, if twisting balloons into a variety of shapes, gets your juices flowing, slap on clown makeup (no references to John Wayne Gacey please) and head over to Balloon HQ.

The Universe (or Multiverse) is governed by one of two physics principles — either ‘Relativity’, or ‘Quantum Mechanics’. And, much to the hair tearing of physicists, technically they can’t both be ‘right’. Enter the rather useful physics equivalent of a double adapter — to join these two opposing idea’s about the fabric of our reality — go do some reading on Superstrings. Staying with physics briefly, why not learn how to make an efficient paper airplane, without having to spend money on software that shows you how to do it? Go to the Paper Airplane Flight Clinic.

So you’re lucky enough to have a house, and beyond that, a tree or two on the property — why not discover the ancient art of making treehouses — all the way through to learning how to build a treehouse fireplace, and security options. Yup, it’s the sort of one stop instruction HQ you wish you’d had when growing up. Go to Tree Houses. Alternatively, if you don’t have a house, garden or tree — but do have access to mud, there’s a whole range of fun things to create, thanks to the resources at Sandcastles!.

Or if the urge to break into factories late at night and rearrange the stock is proving too much for you, why not go and discover exactly how to drive those fun little industrial go-karts known as forklifts, at the useless but useful Learn to Drive Forklift Trucks.

You getting tired of sitting at home night after night, feeling your mind turn to sludge? Do something about it — and browse through the amazing resources for free further education online in more subjects than you thought possible. Go to Free Online Courses And Tutorials.

So a really big monster is chasing you, and you’re stuck alongside a wide river. Luckily you have access to cutting tools, some tree’s and a little bit of time. Why not be bizarre and irritate all the local people you know who never got around to learning how to make boats, and Learn To Make A Kayak.

Amidst all the regular ‘how to’ things — lets have a look at things that go boom — always great for relieving ones stress (and removing eyes, ears, limbs and lives, so be warned). See what the ATF (Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms) people have to say about info and storage of boom-things. It’s always useful to read what other people have learned before you start fiddling with chemicals, go to Explosive Handling and Storage. Then dip into the fun and scary world of How To Make Explosive/Pyrotechnic Devices.

Given the warlike oil-hungry machinations of certain countries, the odds on the world and society falling apart have been raised just a little. So it sure as hell can’t hurt to look at various ways to survive after some event has taken all the rules away. There’s a lot of info and paranoia to be had, by grabbing and/or browsing the entire online book ‘You Will Survive Doomsday‘.

Until the next time, if people who survive the bomb making don’t get me.

Ian Fraser is a playwright, author, comedian, conspiracy nut, old-time radio collector and self-confessed data-junkie. Winner of numerous Vita and Amstel Awards, he’s been an Internet addict and games-fanatic since around 1995, when the Internet began to make much more sense than theatre.