Bill of no rights
According to some hacks who actually go out and get the news when and where it happens (as opposed to those who merely sit in the Dorsbult and wait to hear about it), following Bill and Melinda Gates around on their PR funding excercise last week was an enormously frustrating experience. That was to be expected. As regular readers of this column will know, Oom Krisjan holds deep and dark suspicions about the Microsofted one.
But, my (MS)word, even Lemmer was surprised at the shabby treatment handed out to local media representatives. In an only slightly smaller-scale version of the ”know-your-place” public relations exercise that accompanied Bushbaby’s visit, the Third-World hacks were given Third-World treatment: their own smaller, slower plane and smaller bus, so they could feel even less significant among the correspondents of the news providers that really count.
It was true ”embedded journalism” — that step beyond mere accreditation that means you get the best view if you have your head firmly embedded up your host’s bottom — where all the usual suspects got the good seats.
So while the BBC, CNN, The Times and The Economist get almost unlimited access to big Bill, the rest had to make do with Combat Barbie — part of Bill’s foundation entourage and the fake-boobed PR person from hell.
So taken up by the illusion of playing Lara Croft in big bad Africa was she that Combat Barbie attacked photographers for pointing their cameras in directions she hadn’t expressly asked them to while at a malaria facility. Her attitude almost caused them to down tools, but eventually good sense prevailed and we all got to see images of Bill the grand and good.
I am a camera?
Disgraced columnist Darrel Bristow-Bovey’s swan-song column in The Sunday Independent mocked cigar smokers as having small penises. Although the manne understand that a good cigar is not Darrel’s first choice as a central nervous system stimulant, they would like to remind him that, not so long ago, he was seen puffing on what looked like a good Havana at The Grillhouse in Rosebank with his nemesis, David Bullard. Or did his famous photographic memory fail him this time?
Taking the piss
The Nats have never been good losers and simply putting ”New” before their name wasn’t going to change that. And the sort of battering they’ve been taking in by-elections since getting into bed with the ANC hasn’t improved their mood much.
Judging by a press statement dated September 19, Nat leader in the National Council of Provinces Piet Matthee is clearly pissed off:
”From the results of some of these by-elections it is unfortunately clear that in the short term they [the Democratic Alliance] are succeeding in misleading some people with their false propaganda by giving them a kind of a temporary warm feeling that they will somehow miraculously solve every problem in this country almost overnight. This is however the same kind of warm feeling which a small child gets when he or she wets him or herself.”
Let it never be said that the Nats are afraid to use sophisticated rhetoric to make a point. Truly, the humble English language is far too limiting for these masters of phrase and metaphor.
Spending a penny
While we’re on the subject of wetting ourselves, let Oom Krisjan take issue with the organisers of the Aardklop arts festival in Potch, who decided to charge R2 for the use of the ablutions, so to speak. With more than 100 000 people expected on each of the four days, Lemmer thinks this must’ve turned into a very profitable enterprise. So much so they were willing to offer an incontinence discount: visit the toilets three times and get your fourth pee free.
Ottawailing
To misquote big Abe Lincoln, you can’t please all of the people all of the time. Take the Canadian medical authorities. Much to the dismay of their southern neighbours, a recent court order required Health Canada to sell dagga to patients suffering from Aids, cancer and other diseases, some of whose effects doctors believe can be alleviated through the drug.
But, The Guardian reports, the scheme is under attack again, this time from users themselves. The first batch of the official dagga (grown in a vacant mine section in Manitoba by Prairie Plant Systems, which has a contract worth about R30-million) was rejected by users as ”disgusting”. It’s so bad that they are sending back their supplies and asking for refunds.
Now there’s an opportunity for South Africa to improve its balance of trade.
Can you tell the difference?
In the printed edition are pictures of our deputy prez (used on the front page of this august publication last week) and a smiling baby still inside the womb (first printed in the Sunday Times of September 12). You can decide which is which.