The ever-popular and lovable alter-ego of South Africa’s brilliant, savage and unremittingly talented leading satirist, Pieter-Dirk Uys, is to undergo a sex change operation.
‘There is simply no place in today’s political and social world for a woman of my background, intellect and tastes,” admitted a spiritless Evita Bezuidenhout, fondling a picture of Eschel Rhoodie. ‘The time has come to change, to become the man I’ve always really wanted to be.”
There is something of a downside to Evita’s desire to become male. It will mean that, in order to keep the drag act in natural satirical balance, poor Uys will also have to undergo gender transformation and become a woman.
‘We can’t have two brilliant, savage and unremittingly talented leading male satirists competing under the same roof in Darling,” sighed Evita. ‘With a view to preserving DNA compatibility, we thought of just approaching the doctors to swap our genitalia around. I’d take his penis and he’d get my amazingly elastic vagina. The doctors refused, saying that all we can swap is our names. They say the transplantation of sexual organs is specifically forbidden under the old apartheid-era Anatomies Donations Act.”
The well-known protest theatre producer, Mannie Manim, has said that Evita’s and Uys’s discarded sexual organs would be better off pickled and awarded to Pieter Toerien as a token of his significant contribution to South African theatre.
A spokesperson for the chainsaw feminist pressure group Lesbians Without Make-Up, Violet Pitwig, said that her organisation admired the ‘naked moral courage” of Evita’s decision.
Giggling and blushing a little, Evita rolled back her left sleeve and showed the Not the Mail & Guardian reporter the formidable organic penis the plastic surgeons are growing on her forearm. ‘It was terrible getting it started, but since it finally took root it’s just grown and grown. They say it’ll be ready for its new life down under in about a month.
‘I call it my VOW,” she said, exploding into her well known satirical delight. ‘My Very Own Willy.”