Oh Lord, could you buy me a…
Remember those schoolyard crazes? When one kid would arrive with a yo-yo/dingbat/tamaguchi and everyone else would just have to have one? Oom Krisjan’s thoughts strayed back to his schooldays recently when he saw all the little ones lining up for their first day of grind, and memories of that pre-adolescent peer pressure to have the latest plaything came to mind when he read a report in the Vanguard of Nigeria.
Apparently President Olusegun Obasanjo is ready to throw all his toys out of the pram because the Nigerian House of Representatives has rejected for a second time a presidential request for a new N10-billion jet. “An opposition spokesperson suggested that the country should rather buy ‘100 helicopters to use against trans-border armed robbers’ with the money,” said the Vanguard.
The Nigerian opposition and NGOs are also asking how the government could have allowed its stock of anti-retrovirals to run out, endangering 10 000 people who are signed up for the treatment programme. The government has said it is expecting funds from the Global Fund for Aids, TB and Malaria, but apparently, bureaucracy is holding it up.
So it appears Oom Thabo is truly a trendsetter in Africa.
Court in the act
It hasn’t got the car chase or any missing gloves, but the trial of Martha Stewart has gripped the United States almost as much as that of OJ Simpson a few years ago. Stewart, who does cookery and “homemaking” television shows and has her own lifestyle magazine, is facing allegations of lying to officials investigating possible insider dealing in her sale of shares in the biotechnology company, ImClone Systems, in December 2001.
Placard-waving protesters have appeared outside the Manhattan courthouse that is hearing her case, and one in particular appealed to Lemmer: “She Didn’t Do The Crime, But She Sure Can Do The Thyme.”
Too much lip
Australia this week is mourning the death of cricket coach David Hookes, who died, it appears, after an altercation with a bouncer at a pub where he was celebrating the victory of his Victoria side in the state championship.
Oom Krisjan just wonders what he called the Yugoslav-born bouncer: Hookes, if you recall, was the charmer who referred to a South African woman who had accused Shane Warne of sexual harassment as a “dopey, hairy-backed sheila”.
Not soft at all
There’s an addition to Lemmer’s long list of grievances about Bill Gates and his computer company, Microsoft. Not only can they not spell, but they appear to have no sense of humour whatsoever. The US giant has sent a 25-page lawyer’s letter to a 17-year-old Canadian high-school student to try and force him to change the name of a website he built to showcase his programming skills.
Microsoft says that Mike Rowe’s website, www.mikerowesoft.com, has infringed its copyright and is demanding he hand it over to them. They offered him $10 for the domain name and when he rejected this and demanded $10 000, they sent in the suits.
“It’s not their name. It’s my name. I just think it’s kind of funny that they’d go after a 17-year-old,” Lowe wrote in his weblog.
Microsoft this week admitted it might have taken the “threat” a little too seriously.
Counting, Manto-style
The manne are very excited at a new government system that gives us more Klippies for our bucks, especially as the rand is on the slide again. In a recent radio interview, our esteemed minister of health, in announcing the reduction in prices of medicine, added 6% and 24% together to get to 34%. Now, Lemmer is not the brightest when it comes to accounting — something best left to the professionals — but had to wonder whether this meant that for every 30 Klippies and cokes we buy, we get four free?
In a spin
It seems when you get to London you’ve got be become as pompous as some of the Brits. A misdirected business press release landed on Oom Krisjan’s desk this week, saying: “Old Mutual plc ( ‘Old Mutual’) today announces that its wholly owned subsidiary, OMSA, has announced a firm intention to make an offer to acquire all of the Mutual & Federal shares not already owned by OMSA and its subsidiaries for the benefit of the shareholders of OMSA and its subsidiaries.”
Why could they just not bloody well say they want to take over Mutual & Federal? These spin doctors.
Larger than Lurd
Being an African warlord may seem one of those jobs where your word is law. But Sekou Conneh of the Liberans United for Reconciliation and Democracy (Lurd) has found that it’s a job like any other, and if the board of directors don’t like you, you’ve got to go, The Guardian reports.
Conneh, whose rebel army chased a tyrant into exile and was spoken of as a possible new Liberian president, forgot this minor detail.
So this week his wife, Asha Keita-Conneh, gathered rebel commanders to her side and sacked her husband. “I put him there as chairman. If you open a big business and put your husband in charge, if you see that things are not going the right way, you step him aside and straighten things up,” she told Associated Press.
Lemmer warns other warlords’ wives against taking up this route too hastily, however. Keita-Conneh’s power stems from being the adopted daughter of Lurd’s main sponsor, President Lansana Conte of neighboring Guinea.