I’m not stupid enough to vote for the ANC in the upcoming elections, and I’ll tell you why. Yes, the ANC fought a war of liberation, but so what? I’m irritated at this continual holding up of race, racism and ancient history to try and gain votes. What should I feel, ten years on, when more people are dying now then were dying under Apartheid? Gratitude? Gratitude is no reason to continue to overlook a government that’s failed its purpose and its people.
And no, I don’t have the answer, and I couldn’t be bothered to find one for you. And I don’t have to. I can criticize without providing an answer. Do your own work and vote for whoever you want. Martians maybe. And who cares if its ‘effective opposition’. The real problem is an ‘ineffective government’.
This bit of anger was brought on by reading the following two news items about the obscenity known as Zimbabwe which the ANC is supporting and thus, in the world’s eyes, dragging us through the same mud. Read this report from the BBC on Zimbabwe Torture Training Camps. And this from The Telegraph: ‘Rape is OK — It helps us to train people’.
Now let’s move onto the really important stuff. If you’re both a) a smoker, and b) a complete bastard, then you’ll know the joys of stealing someone else’s lighter, as well as the horror, pain and outraged anguish when some sonovabitch has stolen yours. (It’s hard to believe but there are some people who think this is a double standard). Anyway, take a look at this page with info about the Dos and Don’ts of behaviour at The Rules of Lighter Thievery.
Earth changes. The US military released a report on what the immediate future holds for Western civilization, and it’s not pretty. And the most fun thing is that this isn’t the usual airy-fairy “at some point in the distant future” scenario, but right now. For a glimpse at the coming chaos within the next few years (which also lists South Africa as one of the countries torn apart by internal rioting and conflict), first read – Climate change will destroy us, and then Key findings of the Pentagon.
And for further reading to get a sense of the overall Big Change on its way, spend some time at this very readable Rolling Stone article: Crimes against nature.
Slipping sideways into science, try this Wired magazine article on genetic engineering called From Frankenstein To Frog Steaks. And staying with science – for everything your science teacher doesnt know about, there’s the full text of a very informative online book for you to plunder and read. Go browse A New Kind of Science.
Just to prove that those people who dress up on Sundays and go to buildings to sing to a supernatural entity aren’t entirely nuts, take a look and listen to this oddly clear glimpse of the fabled and often referred to “Satanic messages” in Led Zeppelin’s Stairway to Heaven.
More media bits. If you thought our morning television was like being given a colonic irrigation while suffering from a hangover, do some browsing through the site dedicated to a DSTV-like Brit TV channel called Friendly TV.
Now here’s something for the kids that the book shows on talk radio probably won’t be suggesting as a great purchase for Christmas. A nice book for children. About a gay man. Who lives in a lighthouse. And pines for his sea-going boyfriend. The title of the book? What else could it be called but Hello Sailor!.
Get the popcorn ready! I’ve got no problem with the inherent bread-and-circuses nature of television, but at least be honest about it. I mean, I believe there’s not enough violence on TV, as in ‘real violence which shows the blood, pain and consequences of violence itself’. The namby pamby among us still whine about WWF and Springer, whereas I think it’d be far more useful to give the muscled retards chainsaws and let them go for it. To show you how unused to actual on-camera violence you probably are, take a look at this downloadable 3meg video clip from a Russian talk show when the caviar hit the fan in the studio. Grab Russian TV Talk Show Fight.
More TV stuff, if you’re a fan of Survivor, how about a pretty well done comic strip version? Be cautious, because you may find out who won the current season of Survivor showing locally. So you’ve been warned. Take a look at Survivor The Comic.
Then something oddly cool and retro. Imagine if way back in time, just when the Beatles first came to America in the early Sixties, the Internet had existed. Now imagine that a 15 =-year-old bobbysoxer was writing her blog on a day by day basis, as Beatlemania took hold. Got the idea? Go read My Beatles Log.
The falafels are flying online and in the rest of the world where the Mel Gibson flick has emerged, and naturally, South Africa’s monopolistic film Mafia known as Ster Kinekor and Nu Metro haven’t bothered telling you about it. If you’re interested in the debate, or just in the ‘accuracy’ of the film, go dip into the debate at Belief Net.
You’ve heard of MI5, the supposedly secret James Bond-like intelligence agency. Well, these days there aren’t enough patriotic hired killers around to do the dirty work of Her Majesty’s Government. So they’re advertising. Look at this from Jan 20th MI5 Web Chat.
Speaking of brain damage, take a close look at that cold drink or packet of chips you’re eating. See the word ‘aspartame’ tucked away in the ingredients list? Well, you’re heading for brain damage. (Aspartame, I noticed, is also quietly included in those new wafer-thin mouthwash strips which have been advertised everywhere recently — for those who don’t know how to brush their teeth). Do yourself a very big favour and read Aspartame and Brain Damage.
If you’re one of the unlucky folks to have a boss, then while you’re trapped at work, idling away the time in your cubicle, why not fire up MS Paint and doodle your boss and the standard things your boss happens to say and submit it to this next site, which specialises in showing us all the frightening face of bosses. Go to Draw Your Boss.
Sleaze for the lucky readers who made it to the bottom of the column alive. Regular readers will recall that I pointed the rich and perverted among you towards staring thoughtfully at the very expensive high grade über-sex dolls known as Real Dolls.
These things aren’t the ‘Doh! Oops, it popped’ cheap Taiwan-made rubbish that local sex shops want to try and persuade you is ‘just like the real thing’. These are the Rolls Royces of sex-dolls, with a starting price (in local currency) of around R40 000. Anyway, point being, in the interests of science and for all of us who wonder, an intrepid journalist decided to have sex with one and then tell us what it was like. Read I Did It For Science.
Until the next time, if Russian talk shows don’t get me.
Ian Fraser is a playwright, author, comedian, conspiracy nut, old-time radio collector and self-confessed data-junkie. Winner of numerous Vita and Amstel Awards, he’s been an internet addict and games-fanatic since around 1995, when the internet began to make much more sense than theatre.