Don’t you hate it when marriages break up? When the kids are left broken and bewildered by the parting of their guardians?
Yup, poor old Cristiano Ronaldo, Kleberson and even the older kids like Paul Scholes and Ryan Giggs are feeling the pain of divorce as Sir Alex Ferguson and captain Roy Keane end a beautiful relationship after 10 years.
And it’s been so public. First Roy declares the kids have no discipline or commitment — always a bad sign in a marriage — then he decides to go and play for Ireland again, but Sir Alex says he’d be better off pulling a hamstring if he wants to play in the FA Cup final next month.
Apparently the rows have been pretty hectic. Many cups thrown. Yup, in football terms the blissful, blistering relationship between two of the game’s most feared competitors is over. Finito. Dead. Six feet under and pushing up daisies.
Johnny Giles, one of the game’s most respected commentators, says: ‘You show me a player who gets very close to his manager and I’ll see someone who is walking on dangerous ground.
‘Last weekend, United slid to another humiliating defeat, this time against an uninspired Liverpool. Where was the old Keane rage, where was his angry fist raised in defiance?
‘Where does this leave Ferguson? In search of new momentum. New leadership. Fergie is planning to instal Rio Ferdinand as captain and bring in a new order at Old Trafford.â€
Yes, that’s Rio the convicted drugs cheat, currently suspended. Hard to believe, isn’t it?
Expect Keano to depart for Celtic at the end of the season without a parting kiss from his partner of the past decade. An FA Cup winner’s medal may or may not go with him.
I suspect it will be a bitter parting … remember when Bryan Robson and Steve Bruce left Old Trafford without the Cup final fling? Can you imagine the fall-out if Keano is dropped for the Millwall showdown next month?
And the latest rumour is that Fergie’s new bride will be … Liverpool’s combative captain Steven Gerrard. Oh the pain for Keano.
We’ll see just how close to divorce the situation has become on Saturday, when United go to Graeme Souness’s troubled Blackburn. I suspect the Rovers will get some sort of a return and United, still seeking to pip Chelsea for second spot, will edge a step closer to a decree nisi.
And then we come to Arsenal. The first club to win the title unbeaten (unless you count Preston North End in the dark ages). There, the marriage of Arsène Wenger and Patrick Vieira is unsullied by dark threats and bitterness.
The only question is, can they stay unbeaten to the end when they need players like Martin Keown to play in all their last four fixtures to pick up a championship medal?
Saturday sees Birmingham visit Highbury, scene of much partying after last Sunday’s title-clinching 2-2 draw at Spurs. I can’t see Steve Bruce’s side lying down, but I think Arsenal should keep their record intact with at least a point — and the prospect of Dutch ace Robin van Persie arriving next season should get everyone charged up.
The real battle now is for fourth place, with Newcastle in pole position for that final, lucrative European Champions League slot.
They go to Kevin Keegan’s still-threatened Manchester City while Liverpool, fresh from that 1-0 win over United, host tricky Middlesbrough. I’m backing Newcastle to take all three points after their rousing performance against Chelski’s millionaires last week. Liverpool will probably get all three points, too, as the battle rages on.
Spurs, who sent their most talented player Stephane Dalmat back to Inter Milan this week, are at home to Bolton. Apparently Dalmat spat at club captain Jamie Redknapp, threatened Steve Carr and punched Jamie O’Hara, just 17, after the reserve match against Charlton last week.
Nice club, Tottenham. I know it’s unlikely, but wouldn’t it be great if they went down?
It won’t happen because Leeds are in absolute disarray. Apparently they’ve already brought in an agent to sell all their top players at maximum prices and Alan Smith is already apologising to the fans for having to leave the club he loves.
Bloody defeatists!
Wolves, doomed (and that’s not defeatist, it’s the truth), host Everton on Saturday, while Charlton, still in the hunt for fourth place, should send Leicester a step closer to the trap door.
Chelsea go to Southampton with one eye on the Champions League semifinal second leg against Monaco on Wednesday, so expect another slip-up from their out-of-form, over-paid millionaires.
Portsmouth, enjoying a sensational run-in thanks to the genius of Harry Redknapp’s inspirational ‘get out there and fucking win†team-talks, have got Fulham. If the Premiership had started seven games ago, Pompey would be second.
Fulham beware.