Never Been at Home
by Zazah Khuzwayo
(David Philip)
hat Zazah Khuzwayo retained sufficient sanity and clarity to write this memoir is testimony to her strength. She herself attributes her survival to her mother and sister whose love pulled her through.
She was born in rural KwaZulu-Natal, in the 1980s, into a family already riven with injustice and bitterness. She describes her father, a policeman, as an educated man, but “a pig”. Her mother, Makoti, was light-skinned with sleek black hair and it is her story as much as her own that Zazah tells. Makoti is the Cinderella in this tale, but minus the fairy godmother and the prince as her trials just went on and on.
Living in her widowed mother-in-law’s household, she was a servant to her and all her in-law siblings, but none of them had a good word for her. Her “crimes” ranged from looking different, to having two boychildren die in infancy, and having the gall to look for a job without her husband’s permission. This last was an absolute necessity as Zazah’s father spent his salary on his own pleasures only. Added to all this misery was physical abuse: Makoti was frequently beaten by her husband.
Despite this Makoti tried to sustain her family life and her marriage. She moved from the village to her husband’s house in the township, where at least her presence prevented him from keeping his girlfriends (and their numerous babies sired by him) in his house. Here she managed to find work and so could clothe, feed and educate her children.
All this is witnessed by Zazah and her sister, Thembi, and before long they too begin to suffer his abuse both indirectly and directly. One of the worst incidents occurs when Zazah is in matric, having reached thus far after a desperate struggle to continue her schooling. Her father makes a bonfire of all her school books.
Zazah’s courageous record of this life is full of anger. She rages not only against her individual father, but also against Zulu tradition and the Catholic Church, for fostering patriarchal dominance and the belief that to end a marriage, however terrible, was wrong. At times she even rejects her mother for adhering to these beliefs, which seem to Zazah to allow her father to get away with his appalling behaviour.
She also records the long-term damage done to her in her relationships with men and her own child. Sometimes it seems unbelievable that Zazah could have survived at all, yet she never entirely gives up her belief in herself. Her message is simple and is addressed to both abusers and victims in family relationships.
Though it is fluently written, the content makes Never Been at Home difficult to read, but it is guaranteed to be an eye-opener to many people. It is an important book in South Africa today.