Ashley Cole, in his most vulnerable moments, used to wonder how he could play with such freedom for Arsenal, then feel as if he had pulled on a straitjacket every time he wore an England shirt. He would return from international matches wondering where his confidence had gone, why the opposition seemed to have identified him as a weakness and, worst of all, whether he would ever be able to put it right.
At times, he feared Sven-Goran Eriksson might even discard him.
‘I was really beginning to doubt my ability,†he says. ‘It wasn’t any one game. I was having doubts about myself after nearly every match. It always seemed it was me making the little mistakes. Sven would just tell me to play my normal game, but there must have been something wrong because it seemed like it was always down my side.â€
He cannot pinpoint the exact moment he rid himself of the self-doubt, but it is fair to say many of his worries disappeared during Euro 2004.
As excellent in defence as Wayne Rooney was in attack, Cole’s performances were of such consistently high standards, most notably against Portugal’s Cristiano Ronaldo in the lost quarterfinal, it seemed it must have been a trick of the imagination that he had confessed beforehand to having never played well for England.
‘It’s all about confidence,†he says. ‘You probably won’t think it, but I’m actually quite a shy person and I need to feel confident. Euro 2004 has finally given me that belief that I am good enough to play at this level. But there have been times when I wondered whether I was up to it.
‘I was playing well for Arsenal, but not for England and I had to look at my game and see what was going wrong. I did that and I’ve started to defend a lot better and not attack at stupid moments.â€
He is also one no longer racked with worry. Whereas many of Eriksson’s players — starting with David Beckham and Michael Owen — will go into the World Cup qualifying campaign under intense pressure to rediscover their best form, Cole is carefree by comparison, starting on Wednesday when he won his 31st cap in the friendly against Ukraine.
‘I’ve had to adapt my game to get to this level. As a defender, it’s all about positional play. If that’s out, the opposition will run rings round you. I’ve stayed back more, stayed on my feet more.
‘When I started with England I was attacking every time I got the ball. I’ve learned that in international football you can’t attack as much. You have to be wary of the players you’re up against, bide your time and attack only at certain moments.
‘I’ve definitely improved from playing with Sol [Campbell], who is always telling me to do certain things. My positional play is much better now and I’m not sliding in so much. Sol will moan if I do that too much and, believe me, you don’t want him after you. I’ve worked a lot with Pat Rice [Arsenal’s defence coach] and I feel like I am good enough now.â€
Doubtless Cole has suffered from the lack of a regular left-sided midfielder in the England team.
‘It’s always good to have someone in front of you to play with regularly,†he acknowledges. ‘Gary Neville has had it with David Beckham but I’ve not had anyone who has nailed that position down. If we found a regular left-sider maybe it would help me to relax and settle down.
‘When I play for Arsenal I’ve always had Robert Pires there and we’ve worked well together. Okay, he doesn’t come back much defensively, but Sol and Patrick [Vieira] give us a lot of defensive cover.
‘I don’t get as nervous with Arsenal. Playing in the Champions League definitely improves you. But international football is still one step higher. We all want to win and feel we’ve got the team and squad to do it. Hopefully we can qualify for the World Cup and prove that we can win something.†—