Long hours spent in the office and the lure of easy contact over the internet are acting as a spur to divorce, marriage counsellors in Britain believe.
The national divorce rate is up — again — and this time it’s not the permissive society that’s to blame, but rather the ease with which old flames, possibly from as far back as school days, can be contacted through a variety of websites.
The number of divorces in England and Wales reached 153 490 last year, up for the third year in a row and at its highest rate for seven years.
And that is despite the decline in the number of marriages in recent decades. Many couples now choose to live together and have children without bothering to tie the knot formally — 20% according to current estimates.
Relate, Britain’s largest provider of relationship counselling and sex therapy, says long working hours and ease of internet access provide increasing opportunity for disaffected partners to look for alternatives.
Spokesperson Christine Northam says: ”A lot of people have a rosy impression of the first relationship they had at school or college. If they are feeling unhappy with their partner, they begin wondering what it would have been like if they’d stayed with the old flame.”
Marriage guidance counsellor Phillip Hodson estimates that each week 2 900 children find out their home is breaking up, the overwhelming majority of them younger than 10.
He contrasts this with the 1960s, when divorce was all but unheard of and those who abandoned their marriages had to deal with being ostracised by their communities.
Hodson refers to the internet as ”the world’s largest sex aide”.
He and others point not only to the ease with which past friends and lovers can be contacted, but also the informal tone of instant e-mail communication.
Northam blames Britain’s long-hours culture for much of the discontent.
”I sometimes nearly fall off my chair when I hear couples describe their working week, with schedules taking so much energy and putting them under such pressure,” she says.
Another Relate worker, Denise Knowles, blames unrealistic expectations. ”People go into marriage thinking about the lovely wedding day and assuming the rest of your life will echo that but it is just the beginning,” she says.
But the counsellors are agreed. While the frustrations of married life have always been there, the internet is a serious temptation to unhappy partners to explore what they might have missed with a previous partner. ‒ Sapa-DPA