“Robert Mugabe is a cross-dresser, and is sexually aroused by frogs.”
There — according to a new law in Zimbabwe, I’m now liable for a sentence of up to 20 years in jail.
The fun part of this new law is that anyone saying “falsehoods” about Mugabe is liable to be charged — regardless of whether they are inside or outside Zimbabwe. (It would be very funny and a useful test case to see whether there will be attempts to extradite me because I’ve spoken about Mugabe’s fetish for dressing in women’s clothing and doing mean things to frogs.)
Read the coverage on this latest Zimbabwean stupidity, as covered by the British Telegraph, at The 20-Year Sentence for ‘Falsehoods’.
The charm, friendliness, sadism and genocidal attitude of Zimbabwe continues; read this rather chilling report from The Scotsman about ‘Comrade Spillblood’.
Moving from someone where the lights are on but no one’s home to a case of “the lights are on and I’m at home and watching them”. Look at the site of a rather oddly focused person who noticed that the “Christmas lights” were being set up outside his home. Naturally, this meant an internet site and blog should be set up, to keep an eye on the progress of the lights themselves, as the local council went through the slog of setting up all the happy-happy joy-joy neon stuff. Go stare at Santa Watch!.
Then, to continue the “let’s ridicule someone and inspire creativity in readers” theme, why not create your own vile and tasteless cartoon strips online? Using nothing but George Bush photos. Go experiment and see how good your skills are, at Make George Bush Say It!.
Naturally, as it’s an equal-opportunity experience, you can also play with Bush’s Skull and Bones friend — the man who pretended to be an opposition politician in the last election. Go play with Make John Kerry Say It!. (To see a suitably tasteless example of what I came up with, click here.
Afterwards, read Kerry Won by 1.7 Million Votes.
The official story about the supposed “terrorist attack of 9/11” continues to unravel, while going unreported in the mainstream media. Read Eyewitnesses to Bombs in WTC Towers on 9/11. Read Barbara Olsen’s Flight 77 Phone Call Never Happened.
So you’re an S&M freak, and you’re thoughtfully eyeing the approach of Christmas. After all, it’s supposedly the time of finding gifts for your friends and family. So, what do you get for your children? Go stare in disbelief at the ultimate present from S&M fetishists to their kids. Be afraid (and read the comments below the pix) at The Children’s Knitted Gimp Suit!.
But wait, there’s more! Just when you thought they couldn’t sell you anything weirder — consider the gushing praise and rather gross pix at this next site, which wants to sell you Nipple Guards!
Now, let’s dive sideways into evil and regrettable but cool gifts you might want to consider buying for yourself this Christmas. First off, there’s what I would consider a very useful gadget known as The Remote-Controlled Fart Machine.
Then, browse through a wonderful selection of goodies ranging from rubber chickens (an essential for any home) and “pull my finger Santa dolls” to exploding toilet seats and fart sprays, as well as other fabulous things that can help make Christmas a warm and fuzzy experience for everyone. Drool over the things that Verimark won’t be trying to sell you, at Gag Works!.
Feel the need to give your parents or loved ones a heart attack? Then instead of going through the pain of a real piercing, why not try the Fake Pin through Nose.
Or, for something rather apt and relevant to this Third World dump we’re in, you could always brighten your parents’ day — as well as be the envy of other drivers on the road, by buying some Fake Bullet Holes for Your Car.
Then, just to get your own back on those whiney animal lovers, as well as nervous children, how about a lovely, cuddly-looking cat doll that changes when you hug it. At first, the doll gives a few soft meows, to make the hugging continue and the victims relax. Then the doll erupts into a LOUD, ear-splitting and deafening screeching, guaranteed to freak out and upset any children or wimpy people. I want one — The Screeching Attack Cat from Hell.
Road rage is always funny, isn’t it? (Of course, I don’t drive or own a car, so I can enjoy it entirely as a fun spectator sport). Now imagine the amazingly funny results that could happen if you had to make signs that you could hold up to moron drivers on the road. Luckily, there’s a company with the clever business sense of doing just this.
Wish you had these signs available here, at Road Rage Signs!. Watch out for the obscene language.
And then — even though it has appeared here before — these T-shirts are to social comment what the Vatican is to Catholics. Forget the fairly tame storm in a teacup over local brands’ logos being used and cut straight to the real warfare you can start. Be warned, the language here is extreme. Take an envious long look at the amazing and cheerfully vicious slogans available at T-Shirt Hell.
Following last week’s rather weird collection of questions asked by Microsoft to job applicants, try this cluster of genuine questions that assorted Irish folks were asked by future employers, at Questions Asked of Irish Job Seekers.
As long-time readers will know, I’m a happy Japanophile on a variety of fronts, and for a whole range of reasons that will take too long to get into. That said, to see a glimpse of a side of Japan that no longer exists, be ready for the occasional rude word (in the commentary added) and try to imagine the mindset needed to deal with the bizarre item known as A 1950s Japanese Sex Guide.
You know those fake cheques that regular mail spammers use to try to get your attention with their unwanted adverts? Well, someone with a gentle sense of humour decided to call the spammers’ bluff, and actually deposited the fake cheque at his bank. It was cashed. Read the saga of what happened next, at Man 1 Bank 0.
Film-geek stuff! You must have noticed that whenever a phone number is used in the standard Hollywood movie, it’s some fake number that starts with “555”. This is generally accepted and overlooked by moviegoers as being a norm. But naturally there’s always a film geek or two who figure these “555” numbers are of interest. Consider the “mind-numbingly comprehensive” list of Fake 555 Phone Numbers Used in Films.
And to combine film-geek stuff with regular PC-geek focus … it’s scary, it’s bizarre, it has no connection whatsoever to reality. It’s A History of Computers in Film.
I weirded out a whole bunch of online people recently by ‘fessing up to the simple fact that I’ve never heard any music by Blink 182 and a whole range of other bands and pop singers — although I know the names, I don’t listen to music radio at all.
So there is a range of alleged musicians of whom I’ve remained blissfully ignorant. This blatant display of deliberate unconcern with modern, corporate-created music leads into a fairly novel site for ‘tards like me. Fill in the name of the band you like, and it’ll recommend other bands that create a similar kind of music. Give it a whirl at Music Map.
Some free stuff for the geeks and geeks-to-be among you. Browse through the assorted suggestions and links set up by geeks, for geeks, at Best Free Programs and Websites. And here’s still more apps and info. If you’re new to the net, read through The Great Software List.
Looking for some odd and free audio with which to mess around? Try Sweet Thunder. Or, if you’re a geek and having a nice quiet time at home over this December, then why not load up on a big collection of older, mostly copyright-free games that now fall into the “abandonwarez” category. (The makers of the game no longer commercially distribute the titles.) Go find the genres that appeal to you and start downloading at Abandonia.
Until the next time, if everyone in Zimbabwe doesn’t get me.