Let’s start off with something glorious, inspirational, and unexpected — just to show you that life can be fun. Even if you have leukaemia. So you’re undergoing chemotherapy. You’re in hospital and have nurses around you, preparing for the next dose of chemo. Do you whine softly and mutter about how unfair life is? Or do you get your mates from work to help you shoot an entire music video? You know the answer already — go watch Leukaemia: The Musical!.
As usual, nothing of any real news value or interest has happened in South Africa. But this is not the case elsewhere in the world, where real excitement is breaking out everywhere. Take, for instance, the news item headed Homosexual Penguin Conversion Sparks Gay Protest!.
Or (and this is my personal favourite recent news item.) what’s better than garden gnomes are? How about illegally created underwater “gnome gardens” that people have drowned while looking for them? Yes, I thought that might catch your interest. Go read this amazing news report from the BBC, on Underwater Gnome Garden Threat Returns!.
Over in the one country that could give the United States a serious fight — and thus will never be attacked by the US — it’s haircut time. The North Korean regime has decided that long hair is Not a Good Thing. It has recently begun a campaign subtly titled “Let Us Trim Our Hair in Accordance with Socialist Lifestyle!” Here’s a report on North Korean Haircut Announcement.
This item has certain ghoulish weirdness to it: picture a Canadian couple with a camera, on holiday. They’re on the beach, watching as the waters recede, and they start taking pictures — right up to where the tidal wave is hurtling towards them. They don’t survive, but their camera — with the pictures inside — does. Firstly, here’s a news report: Dead Canadians’ Camera Tells Story. Now look at the sequence of pictures they took in the final moments before they drowned: The Final Six Photographs.
It’s always a tough question to answer: What exactly do you do, the day after a wild party, when you have drunken and unconscious friends lying around your place? Do you leave them alone and let them sleep it off? Or do you take advantage of the fact that they are unconscious, to play with them, decorate them and make them look stupid — and then take pictures to show everyone on the internet? Go have a look at the pix at The Day after the Party Image Gallery.
Local new kid on the block IBurst has begun marketing itself to the public. Why not be a wide-awake consumer and read the comments and info available, thanks to an excellent independent local online forum that is rapidly becoming the ultimate useful online site for all users of local internet? For example, see what customers are saying about IBurst.
And for the front end of the online forum, where you can find sections dedicated to Sentech MyWireless, ADSL and most of the other local broadband/internet services, each filled with customers providing help and info to each other, go to My Broadband.
What do you get for the morbidly obese — or, to call a spade a spade, “insanely and grossly fat” person or people in your life? Specifically, what do you get for the human who has reached the point of not being able to sit on a regular toilet without causing damage to both it and them? Brace yourself (and note the happy fat couple clearly pleased at this new invention) and stare in horror at The Big Toilet for Fat People.
(The above link says more about the state of human society than any sociological analysis I can think of. “Our toilets are tested to 2 000 pounds!” says part of the advertising. I shudder to think.)
Geeky stuff. If you have a curiosity about other people’s computers, you’re not alone. Go see what fun you can get up to, at I’m Johnny and I Hack Stuff!.
For those of you deluded folks who still believe Apple is somehow the vanguard of individual freedom in some way, have a look at Apple’s legal threats and attempts to uncover the identities of some bloggers on Mac blogsites: Apple Attacks Bloggers.
And as the bogus “anti-piracy” campaigns heat up, get some real information in order to cut through the corporate lies. Learn about the basics of DVD and encryption, as well as the reality behind the assorted claims by the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), at MPAA Misinformation.
Then, read a reality check via this editorial from MacOpinion.com: In Defence of Piracy (Well, Some Piracy).
Here’s an interesting article out of Australia: Where Are the Pirates? And you might want to get some inspiration from these various posters and T-shirts at Downhill Battle.
Thing to make you go “awwwww” time. How about a nice, blurry shot of a happy baby goat, caught in mid-air and mid-hop, at Blurry Goat? If you need a bit more, try this online video showing Cat Slaps Baby.
Disco-in-a-lift time. Here’s something that would be amazing to set up locally and film the results. What would you do if you’re in an office building, waiting for the lift, and you hear distant music getting louder and louder — and when the lift doors open, you see an entire mini disco under way, complete with lights and dancers? Go watch The Disco Lift!.
Then for music of a different sort, out of The Netherlands, try this odd but cute Hand Puppet DJ.
As airlines start using the concept of frequent flyer miles in local marketing, it might be very useful to read this article from The Guardian on interesting ways to get more freebie miles for less. The interesting bits are tucked away midway through the article: Frequent Flyer Miles Soar above Sterling.
Things to plug into your PC. You thought that coffee-cup warmer or the neon flashing lights were about as far as you could go, in terms of dumb things to plug into your PC? Well, you are wrong. How about a machine that apparently can help hypnotise you (or your victims and co-workers)? Go stare at the rather expensive USB plug-in device known as The Hypno Disk.
Ever had the urge to stroll into a hospital and steal newborn babies? You have? Well, luckily there’s a site online just for you. Now all you need to do is replace the baby, very swiftly, with one of these dolls on this next site, and you might get away with it. Go wonder why someone thought this was a good idea, at the faintly surreal site known as Handmade Reborn Baby Dolls.
Now here’s a use for the skin of other species that you might not have considered before. The longtime US and United Kingdom habit of walking around with a hot cup of coffee finally seems to be taking off locally — so why not horrify and repulse people around you, by investing in A Genuine Fur Cup Holder?
And speaking of cup holders, Starbucks is the best coffee around, but the franchise is not in South Africa yet. (And I should also point out that, to anti-globalist activists, Starbucks is also the Great Satan.) Nonetheless, I’m a sellout, as I love its entire range of coffee beans. All this leads to a fun page on the huge variety of coffee options that you can get. The days of “a cup of coffee, please” are over. Go browse Starbucks Drinks Simplified.
Then, just to show you that some humans have an awful lot of spare time, and skills that could better be suited to hacking the Pentagon and other productive exploits, try this. There’s an old Mike Tyson boxing game that someone decided could be improved by not only removing all the fighters’ clothes, but by making sure that all the fighters were sexually aroused. Why this might be a good thing is unknown. But take a look at Nude Punch-Out!.
Now for a bang of a different sort. Casio, the watch company, probably didn’t want the kind of publicity that the US Department of Homeland Security gave it recently. Apparently, some Casio watches have a built-in altimeter that can be used to detonate bombs. Read Watch Lighters: New Cause for Concern. (You can almost hear and picture a boardroom full of Casio executives moaning in pain and shouting “Shut up!” as you read this news item.)
For some more glimpses into the stunning artistry of Asia, take a look at the pix on this Japanese-language webpage, selling tiny but beautiful looking Robots. To see the bow-shooting boy robot in action, watch the short film here.
Ahead of the morally regrettable stuff, here is a morally regrettable combo reality check and economic comparison. Someone worked out that the total amount given by the US towards the tsunami disaster relief fund equals a mere 42,27 hours of the cost of the war in Iraq. Read the item: When Does 42 Hours Equal $350-Million?.
Be warned — if you have a sensitive stomach, you might want to skip this next site. Some folks have wondered whether eating coloured food will, in turn, produce coloured — ahem — “dung”. Instead of keeping this idle thought to themselves, they naturally decided to share both this fairly scientific thought and the results with the rest of the internet community. Just what happens if you deliberately eat a food colouring and observe the end product? Go look at the pictures (or not) of the charmingly named Operation Green Goblin.
Staying with the spirit of sleaze and scientific inquiry: watch out for the justifiable large quantities of rude words as someone decides to eat their way through a variety of things you really shouldn’t — ranging from dog food and breast milk to a thing known as “pickled pork rinds”. Be afraid, be very afraid at Steve Don’t Eat That!.
And in other sleazy moments of note, my recent blogs have covered subjects as diverse as what happened when I tried writing my own pornography (yes, there are examples) to the creepy subject of UFOs. Dip into the utterly self-indulgent and taste-free zone known as Ian Fraser’s Blog. So far, I’m doing okay, with regard to the Mail & Guardian — but take a look at other Companies That Have Fired Blogger Employees.
Until the next time, if the morbidly obese don’t sit on me.