Forget the tabloids. South Africa’s small-town and suburban newspapers are where the best stories and writers can be found. I came to this appreciation as a judge in this year’s Caxton community newspapers competition.
Take the tale told of the Van den Bergs, as recorded in the Randfontein Herald.
- Headline: ”Family devastated over burnt plant”.
- Caption to the picture: ”Michael van den Berg from Greenhills Avenue in front of his pampas bush which has been burnt twice by nasty people.”
- Body copy: ”Imagine how devastated you would be if you were caring and nurturing something for five years and woke up one morning to find it burnt?
”The Van den Bergs of 110 Greenhills Avenue have had to endure their beautiful pampas bush being burnt twice — first on 26 April and again on 1 May.
”The heads of this bush which are full and fluffy have been set alight, each time during the night. ‘Why must people be so low and nasty or does it amount to jealousy?’ asked a tearful Elise van den Berg.”
Ja-nee. You won’t find this kind of empathy in your big-town dailies, will you?
Low life and even jealousy, though not necessarily nasty, also feature in The Lowvelder of Nelspruit.
- Headline: ”Sekswerkers: ‘Leer ken ons’ [Sex workers: Get to know us]”. It seems the knowledge on offer is intended in the biblical sense, because the story is a follow-up to a religious reader’s letter of complaint that special services had been advertised in the paper.
- Body copy: The report tells of a sex worker named ”Storm” who strongly refutes the base associations of the profession: ”In die Bybel staan dat dit vir ‘n man beter is om sy saad in die lendene van ‘n slegte vrou te stort as op die grond [It says in the Bible that it is better for a man to spill his seed between the thighs of a bad woman than on the ground].”
After which quote the newspaper adds, as a helpful reader service: ”Laevelder kon dit nie opspoor nie, maar ‘n ingeligte bron bevestig dat dit wel in die Bybel geskryf staan [The Lowvelder could not trace this, but an informed source confirms that it is indeed written in the Bible]”.
Hmm.
At any rate, it appears that lust, envy and other sins out there in the ”sticks” are quite enough to put Hillbrow to shame, not to mention Randfontein’s pampas vandals.
Sex and drugs are also rife in far-flung KwaZulu-Natal, it seems. The Zululand Observer records ”another home believed to be operating as a drug and sex den was raided by members of the Organised Crime Unit (OCU) on Wednesday night, yielding three arrests”.
Yet, there are some criminals who have changed their ways, according to the community press.
”Uncle Sipho joins Randburg gemeente [congregation]” is a story reporting that Sipho Magagula has become the first black preacher on the Randburg gemeente‘s full-time pastoral team. ”The former prisoner,” we are told, ”had a chance meeting with God after serving 26 days in prison for theft.”
Presumably, he had no connection to a story in another community paper: ”Security discovered 8,4kg of dagga growing besides the sweet potatoes” in a local prison’s fields.
Law and disorder come under the spotlight in the case of one man’s unfortunate experience as reported in Alberton’s local paper. A photo caption informs us that he ”was disgusted when a traffic officer showed him the middle finger”. (Meanwhile, the victim graphically demonstrates just what the gesture looks like, smiling all the way.)
The small press is a place where you can find fulfilment and fun in fables about pets. Here’s one: ”The family of a toddler of Greenhills is searching high and low for their child’s playmate, a black and gray Boer goat, that went missing from 105 Kenneth Avenue last Saturday night.
”Known as Ballas, this friendly almost two-year-old goat has grown up with Flooi Jansen van Vuuren (almost 3) and her family says they are inseparable.”
Contrary to what one might expect from the pet’s name, the next paragraph advises that the beast has, in fact, been castrated.
Sex issues become a little complicated, however, when the story later tells us: ”The Jansen van Vuurens suspect the gate in their back yard was accidentally left open and Ballas got out. They say she [sic] is scared of cars and car noises and may have become frightened and bolted.”
Other local pet stories are to do with dogs, dogs and yet more dogs, including items such as ”Staffie collides with scooter” and ”Roaming dogs cause problems”. And shows, noise, doggy-doo and the likes. Poor cats — they are clearly less newsworthy.
Canines and other creatures aside, the community papers also play a serious watchdog role. There are escapades about sex, scandals — and, possibly, even sandals.
The Lowvelder: ”Ms Thoko Mashiane, Ehlanzeni District Municipality’s municipal manager, ‘boss of the year’ award winner and part-time shoe salesman, has been suspended.” (The running story tells how she operated a shoe shop from her office, selling footwear there. We are not told what kind of shoes, but it is certain that the stock was bought on her official credit card.)
Also: ”The speaker of the Thaba Cheu Municipality in Lydenburg, Mr Mandla Karel Mabelane (30), has been in hot water since he made a call to a sex chatline using a council telephone. To exacerbate matters, he didn’t pay the R700 bill for the 10 minutes of pleasure with the Margate-based company, which is now taking the council to task and demanding payment.”
Long live the community papers. The big-city brekers in the mainstream press have nothing to match the pleasure premiums of their smaller counterparts.