It is such a tragedy that nowadays touch is banned from classrooms. I know why, but still I will continue to touch my learners. They need it. But ‘touch” has become a dirty word. And touching someone appropriately requires sensitivity.
Children need appropriate touching at the right time. Not just the little ones. When a child is upset, most often my natural instinct is to put an arm around him or her. I don’t resist that instinct, even though it is no longer allowed. As I move around the class I will lay my hand on someone’s shoulder, or ruffle that curly hair. What does it matter if we are teaching writing, maths and reading if the learners are becoming alienated to human contact? Appropriate touch, especially spontaneous, can tell you that you are acceptable, not untouchable. It conveys a message of caring, of non-discrimination. Children, especially the older ones, don’t easily feel acceptable and cared for.
It is because of those who have committed crimes of touch — abuse; because of those who are not sensitive to others, who do not care if their touch causes discomfort, who touch for selfish reasons, that many are going to be deprived of that much-needed contact.
But how will children learn to tell a ‘good touch” from something else if they never get any at all? Is it possible that they will start to learn that all touching is to be viewed as a sexual advance? Unless youngsters get plenty of caring, loving touches from those they trust, how will they ever teach their bodies to enjoy the touch of love that has no negative intentions? And how will they learn to trust themselves to touch others in a non-selfish way?
I’m sure you have heard about the many orphaned babies who have died simply due to a lack of physical contact. Just carried and touched, these infants would have had a better chance of survival. In fact, their lives depended on being touched.
Touch is the first sense to develop, even within the womb. Touch causes relaxation, reducing anxiety and stress. It even has a positive effect on breathing, heart rate and the immune system. Touch deprivation in children delays growth, disturbs their sleep and can lead to physical violence. It is the most important means of learning from infancy onwards.
But many people are just too busy to remember to give hugs to those they care about, or even to notice when a hug is needed. Touching eventually becomes strange and we grow accustomed to the lack of any physical contact.
When you touch another, there is an exchange of energy, either positive or negative. That selfish, inappropriate touch will send negative energy, causing great discomfort or even pain. But someone who is hurting can greatly benefit from the positive energy you give in just a little touch. But because of so many incidents of abuse, our society has learnt to be suspicious of such natural, instinctive things that can essentially be good. Are we nurturing a generation of untouchables who grow up not learning how to touch and be intimate?
I wish I knew the easy solution to it all, but unfortunately I’m becoming more and more aware of the consequences of not touching. For the lack of warm, loving contact makes all the difference in despairing times, like during depression. A hug can save a life.
— Cherie Dobie, Mossel Bay