Advice on how parents can create an open, healthy environment for children to talk about their bodies, feelings and sex when they are young
Many parents find talking about sex one of the most difficult and embarrassing aspects of parenting and often avoid it completely.
The danger in not educating children about sex is that they may learn values, behaviour and attitudes about sex, which may be harmful to their sexual development, according to Sue Goldstein, project manager of Soul Buddyz: the children’s rights series on SABC 1.
South Africa is considered to have the fastest-growing Aids epidemic in the world. Child sexual abuse statistics are also shockingly high. Children are more susceptible to abuse, sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and Aids or pregnancy when they are ignorant. Goldstein says children have the right to information and education that will protect them and potentially save their lives.
Aadielah Maker, project officer of Soul Buddyz says, “sexuality education for children is also a children’s rights issue. In terms of the United Nations Convention on the Right of the Child, children have the right to appropriate information and to communicate freely. Parents have the right and responsibility to guide their children and help them make choices which are suitable for their age and level of development and which are in the best interest of the child.”
Research has shown that sexual education does not encourage children to have sex. In fact, children who are well informed about sex, usually wait until they are older to have sex.
Parents should create an open, healthy environment for children to talk about their bodies, feelings and sex when they are young. Children also cope with their sexuality better if they understand sex and can talk to someone openly. But, what information is appropriate for children at different ages?
Noreen Ramsden of the Children’s Rights Centre offers the following guidelines:
Between the ages of 3 to 9 children will identify strongly with the parent of the same sex and will copy attitudes towards the opposite gender. They require good role models of respect and caring.
From six years children need to be reassured of the sexual differences between boys and girls. Questions about where babies come from should be answered simply and directly. Children should be taught the correct names for body parts and their functions. Children should also learn that their genitals are private and if anyone makes them feel uncomfortable, they should tell an adult they trust.
Children from 10 to 14 years old have to adjust to physical changes as well as the emotional changes. It is normal for children of this age to have sexual thoughts and behaviour. If parents do not have the answers to all the questions, they should try to find out the correct information with the child.
Between the ages of 13 and 18 years old, teenagers have to deal with the onset of adulthood. Although they are between adolescence and adulthood, the adult’s role is still very important. However, adults should not preach, but emphasise social and moral responsibility that comes with adulthood. Teenagers also need complete and accurate information on pregnancy and STDs. A sense of self-esteem and self-worth to make decisions that comes with adulthood is also important for their sexual development.
For information on Soul City Institute for Health and Development Communication and Soul Buddyz material, call (011) 728 7440
— The Teacher/Mail & Guardian, January, 2001.