Two young women talk about how they dealt with falling pregnant.
LISA (22) speaks of the dilemmas she faced when she decided to have an abortion: When I was in matric, I fell in love with a guy. He wasn’t the sharpest dude in the shed! He was really a hopeless type. Look, he was gorgeous. He made me feel desirable. He raped me after my matric maths final. I kept saying no. He didn’t take no for an answer. That was my first experience of sex. I continued to hang around with him. He came on holiday with my parents and me. We had a lot of sex. I didn’t use contraception. When I came back I knew I was pregnant. I was about to start university. There was no way that I was able to have a child. So I went to see my doctor. I had a blood test. It was positive. I told the doctor I wanted to have an abortion.
At that time abortion was illegal. I was informed I would have to prove myself mentally unfit. I remember the state psychologist had a stutter. I had to act mad and all I wanted to do was laugh.
I went to have the abortion at the Sandton Clinic. I couldn’t comprehend emotionally what was going on. Afterwards I had a lot of conflicting feelings. I remember seeing a very young girl. She just watched me from across the ward. I saw her four months later. We caught each other’s eye across a room full of people. And it was like we knew each other.
I’ve only recently really dealt with it. I really regret it today. I know it was probably the right choice, but it’s very difficult to live with. I wish I could have done things differently. I don’t think abortion is something that anyone should take lightly. Take precautions. Don’t have sex until you can handle the consequences.
LERATO (17) gave birth to a baby boy three years ago. She was in standard 7 at the time: I was 14 when I had sex for the first time. My boyfriend was 23. He told me he loved me. He had lots of money and he seemed much cleverer than me. He told me it would be safe, that nothing bad would happen. I know now that I was a fool to believe him. I knew of things like condoms but I was too scared to tell him to use one.
We did it like that [unprotected sex] for about three months. I remember missing my period. But I didn’t want to believe that something could be wrong. I was too scared to talk to anyone. My parents are very strict. They have respect in the community. I was so scared they could think I was a bad person. When I told my boyfriend, he just dropped me. I couldn’t believe the man of my dreams would treat me like that.
I knew a girl who had to leave school because she had a baby. I couldn’t believe that the same thing was happening to me.
In the end I told my friend that I thought I may be pregnant. She took me to a teacher and next day we went to the clinic. They told me I was pregnant for sure. Six months! When I told my parents they were very angry. In the end they accepted my situation.
I left school the following month, halfway through standard 7 and my baby came in October. In the beginning he slept and cried all day and all night. I had to feed him, clean him. It really was hard work. I cried a lot. I saw my friends getting ahead in their lives. I was stuck at home. I was so angry with that guy. He had ruined my life.
Now I am back at school. My mother takes care of the baby. But he is still my responsibility. My friends have their freedom. But I cannot say I regret it. I really love that child. I am glad I never killed him. But I would definitely say to other girls: never listen to a guy who just wants sex. Use a condom if you have to do it. I have accepted my life the way it is. I want to be someone, have a future, a good job. I have grown up a lot in three years. It is useless to cry. Life is hard.
— The Teacher/Mail & Guardian, August 2, 2000.
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