I cannot hope to contribute in any meaningful sense to the roars and squeals of disparagement already heaped on poor Zwelinzima Vavi’s head; payback with interest for the blunt demands he issued recently on behalf of Congress of Stupendously Asinine Trade Unionists (Cosatu). Instructing the president exactly what he is to do about his ex-deputy is admirable and Vavi deserves high praise for his forthright style. Not many, in these heady days of mediation and compromise, have the guts to fire it straight from the hip the way he does.
That his aim is more than a little erratic doesn’t detract from the own-goalling logic of his intentions. One moment Vavi’s rattling on in favour of the new deputy president, and scarcely are his hosannahs back from the dry-cleaners than he’s putting them to work again, on behalf of Jacob Zuma’s rights to the job. Such contradictory behaviour has, of course, long since been de rigueur among “messaged-in” trade unionists. In simpler words, they are a paralegal sub species renowned for the unreliability of their gun sights. On appointment, the very first thing any pragmatic trade union leader does is to buy a pair of armoured boots. Only when he’s got these on and laced up, can he start striding through the tangled wreaths of workers’ rights.
A week or so ago saw a touching demonstration by a British trade union leader, expounding on the crippling wildcat strike by British Airways (BA) staff which, as has become usual with these considerate folk, took place as the British public set off on its holidays.
Television news showed Terminal 4 at Heathrow Airport in utter chaos. Thousands of disappointed and frustrated passengers milling around, or camped out on the floor, 70% of all BA flights, in and out, cancelled, an unholy disaster that was to cost the airline in excess of £40-million.
The British trade union leader representing the strikers was very strong on the matter of the rights of “his” workers — an all too familiar dialogue. He finished off with a comment so fatuous and hypocritical as to put Tony Blair to shame. His face ravaged by concern, he announced: “The very last thing we want, as a union of ordinary working human beings, is to see Heathrow and other airports in a state of chaos, to ruin other people’s holidays or to cost the airline huge amounts of money. We just want fairness.”
The discreet art of vanishing up one’s own fundament is clearly not in danger of a flame-out. Not that Vavi is about to do so honourable a thing, as welcome as such refuge must occasionally seem to him.
What really puzzles is why Zuma qualifies for such clamorous, such unwavering support from Cosatu. He is not a member of any recognised or affiliated trade union. Until recently, relieved of his Cabinet level position, he was, of course, a founder member of the exclusive National Association of Party Political Yes-Persons (Nappy). But all that benefit dropped away when Thabo Mbeki deemed him disposable.
The question nags: Why is Cosatu almost hysterical in its support of Zuma? Vavi has promised that, in the event his orders are disobeyed, and Zuma does go for trial, the event will be blessed by “en masse” demonstrations by Cosatu. If the trial goes ahead, Vavi has also demanded that not only must a full tsunami of judges be appointed, but its composition must be submitted to Cosatu for approval.
I dislike being cynical, but when someone as resolute as Vavi gets all possessive and protective of a political leader’s future, there arises the suspicion that what he’s really doing is keeping a weather-eye on his own future. Lots of gloomy conjecture is going on among the murmuring classes about this. If a Vioxx-fuelled Zuma does survive the battery of immoderate assaults on his integrity and comes out squeaky clean, he will be the strongest candidate for the presidency when, in 2009, Mbeki deprives us of his cheerful services and settles down to writing travel books.
It’s well worth working towards. If Zuma ascends the throne, Zwelinzima and all his comrades can look forward to lots of flips in the presidential jet. If the entire Cosatu leadership, the ANC Youth League, the South African Communist Party and the gathering ranks of lesser pro-Zuma political mushrooms are to be accommodated, it’ll have to be one of those new Airbus super-jumbos.
Vavi’s demand that President Mbeki withdraws all criminal charges against Zuma has an intriguing subtext. Vavi might seem impetuous at times, is instantly transfixed by the sight of television cameras, but sure as hell, he ain’t stupid. He must have known that, under the Constitution, the president may in no way interfere with judicial process. He must have known that, in making his ludicrous demands, he’d be inviting the scorn and invective that’s been dumped on him.
What Vavi seems to imply is that Mbeki is capable of seeing to the withdrawal of the charges by means of some behind-the-scenes manipulations, a bit of the old nudge-nudge, wink-wink.
As old Judge Erasmus might have said, that’s a kettle of a very different colour.