When Dorsbult went dark this week, the manne just assumed that the mayor had hired Johannesburg’s municipality to run the town’s power supply; but at last a scouting party was sent, carrying lanterns and pitchforks, to the Dorsbult power station just to check. It quickly became clear that some catastrophe had taken place: everything was blackened and sticky, with the smell of burnt caramel hanging in the air, and a dark liquid dripped from every walkway and gutter. At the same time the station’s manager, Witblitz Woltemade, was flagged down 10 clicks outside of town, with all his bags packed and his life savings tucked in his sock. A swift interrogation revealed that Witblitz had been inspired to experiment with new source of renewable energy after reading the ”Fact Sheet” page on the Eskom website (www.eskom.co.za/live/content.php?Item_ID=28). Point number seven describes ”How Electricity is produced in a Cola Fired Power Station”, and Witblitz had used his initiative and dumped four gallons of Coke into the station’s main furnace.
Royal rumpy pumpy
Another week, another pubescent Swazi queen. In fact, Lemmer is starting to wonder whether King Mesozoic the Erect of Swaziland doesn’t so much have a To Do list as a Who To Do list. Oom Krisjan reckons the little block of Royal Post-Its would look something like this: 1) Bed another hottie. Buy her from her parents if necessary. If they don’t accept the standard price — a potato and one month’s anti-retrovirals — have them outed as closet democrats. 2) Lower hottie bonking age to 16. If resistance, out the lot. 3) Buy another Maybach to replace the one that got its fender scratched when I reversed into the Palace Goat. 4) Have Palace Goat slaughtered and discredited as a democrat. Send goat steaks to Texas as part of Iris relief effort. 5) Lower hottie bonking age to 15. 6) Lower hottie bonking age to 14. 7) Ditto to 13. Would it still be regal to bonk 12-year-olds? Check with Court Sangoma. NB Remind Court Sangoma to bring the ”Yes” bones …
Crime does pay
Last week’s presidential mutterings about the levels of corruption in the public sector sent Lemmer to his calculator. In June this year a report by the Institute for Security Studies suggested that public–sector corruption costs South Africa between R50-billion and R150-billion a year, so let’s assume a comfortable R80-billion a year. Now let’s reckon on about 2,5-million people working in the public sector. Oom Krisjan doesn’t like to point fingers, but the arithmetic is simple: if 2,5-million people are stealing R80-billion a year, it means that every person working for the state steals R32 000 a year from the South African taxpayer. Of course not everyone is corrupt so the take-home kickback package must be considerably higher. Nice work if you can get it.