Bon vivant and raconteur Robert Mugabe has dazzled his fans once again. The famous revolutionary and drama queen has always had a way with words, but it took something just a little bit special on Tuesday to rhyme ”Dell” (the surname of the American ambassador in Zimbabwe) with ”hell”. Of course, some of the lustre was dulled by Mugabe’s admission that he has the spelling ability of a seven-year-old (”Tell him I can’t spell ‘Dell’ but ‘hell’,” he said), but nobody cared once the punchline, worthy of Dorothy Parker herself, was delivered: ”Mr Dell, go to hell.” How does he come up with these gems? Still, Oom Krisjan reckons Mr Dell won’t have far to go if he decides to take Mugabe’s advice: surely downtown Harare is pretty close to the Seventh Circle these days?
Sies
According to the Cape Times, Visdorp Archbishop Lawrence Henry didn’t go to the cops about a self-confessed paedophile because ”he did not know he was required to report it”. Jislaaik, just how stupid does the Father Superior think we are? Or does one only report things one thinks are criminal? Suffer the little children, hey, Archbishop?
Spin doctor
A brief e.tv interview with Minister of African Potatoes Manto Tshabalala-Vitamins-Msimang had the manne scratching their heads. When asked by Anika Larsen whether she would use anti-retrovirals if she got HIV/Aids, the minister responded by pointing out that her sexual house was in order, and that it was an inappropriate, uppity question to ask a senior government official. Now the manne know that she can spell ”ARVs”, but they’re still not sure whether she can spell ”stigma”.
Mile-high congestion
According to e.tv, a recent survey on sexual habits has found that one in every 25 South Africans has had sex on an aircraft. Does that mean that on every flight of 150 -people between Jozi and the Visdorp, six people are busy making the beast with two backs? No wonder Lemmer can never get into the loo.
What a drag(on)
Vrot Snoek was devastated to learn that this week’s premier of Harry Potter and Goblet of Fire was slightly derailed: he thinks it’s about a tankard of particularly spiteful witblits, and wants it to hit the screens as quickly as possible. Apparently, a giant fire-breathing dragon was on hand to put everyone in the mood, but the large prop made so much noise that the fliek’s director was eventually heard to below ”Shut up!” With four Potter films now in the can, at a combined length of more than 10 hours, Oom Krisjan couldn’t agree more. Shut up. Please. Shut up.