You live in a world that’s constantly in a state of flux. Friends and bosses change their minds. Husbands change the channel. And companies change computer programs and paper-towel patterns. After a while, you can start to believe that change is not just inevitable — it’s compulsory. But change for its own sake isn’t always good. Make sure that the things you decide to change in the near future — from the annoying song in your head to your brilliant career — are definite improvements.
The song in your head
You’ve been singing the theme to The Love Boat for hours now and you’re becoming unmoored. If a song is on an unfinished loop, sing it through all the way to achieve completion, suggests Pierre Schnehage, creative director at AirTime Productions, a Pretoria-based company that composes stick-in-your-head jingles for radio commercials. Ask yourself why you’re stuck on a particular tune. Maybe it subconsciously reminds you of something or someone. ‘By finding satisfaction in your answer, you’re likely to stop singing it,” says Schnehage. If you can’t banish it, replace it. That works for Ron Dante, lead singer of The Archies whose first single, Sugar, Sugar, was number one in 1969. Dante also collaborated with Barry Manilow on the catchy Copacabana track. ‘I substitute a Beatles song, like Help! or Let It Be — both of which say something about what I need at that moment,” he says. If the eraser tune also gets lodged in your brain, ‘listen to complex music, like Mozart, or unfamiliar music that lacks a hook, like New Age,” he adds.
Your hairdresser
The only thing worse than breaking down over a bad haircut is breaking up with your regular stylist. ‘The polite thing to do is to let him know you’re leaving,” says Sue Fox, author of Etiquette for Dummies (For Dummies). If you don’t want to call, write a note. And be specific. ‘Maybe the truth is you can never get in to see him, you need to go to someone less expensive, or you just want a change,” Fox says. Whatever the reason, don’t fret too much. You’re the one paying, so you’re entitled to do what you want. ‘By the same token, avoid being rude,” says Durban-based hair stylist Marlene Padayachee. ‘There’s nothing more annoying than someone who doesn’t pitch up for their appointment.” In fact, leaving on good terms is in your best interest. ‘Often it’s more of a break than a break-up, and clients who leave end up coming back,” says Cape Town hairdresser Annemie Milne. ‘Keep the channels of communication open. You’ll avoid an embarrassing encounter should you bump into your stylist one day on the street.”
Your cellphone provider
Number portability is the new buzz-word in cellphone speak. Nifty new technology allows you to switch networks without having to change your mobile number. The good news is that it’s due to launch in November. The bad news? ‘For a start,” warns Clifford van Ryneveld of Nashua Mobile, ‘changing cellphone networks typically entails a number of costs.” Before making the swap, he suggests you wait until you’re due for an upgrade on your current contract to avoid paying a hefty early-termination fee. With Vodacom, MTN, Cell C and newcomer Virgin Mobile to choose from, make sure you migrate to the network that best suits your needs. Leslie Magwaza, a sales executive at Virgin Mobile, says Virgin has no lock-in contracts so you can settle your bill and ‘cruise if you choose” without paying termination fees. Is it worth the switch? Do a comparison of network providers, advises Van Ryneveld. ‘Enquire how often they upgrade their phones, what their value-added services include and whether they provide after-hours care.”
Your room layout
If you want a fresh outlook, move some furniture. The first step is to create a new focal point, says Cape Town interior designer Lisa Bond. ‘The key is to find the positive in a room and accentuate it.” For example, she suggests you dress a window that offers a great view with heavy drapes in Victorian style, or alternatively play down your finishes and keep the space uncluttered for a more contemporary look. When placing furniture, Suki Crawford of the Calder School of Interior Design in Jo’burg, follows the ‘500-centimetre rule”. ‘If you want to put a drink down on a coffee table, you shouldn’t have to stretch more than 500 centimetres from the couch,” she says. ‘Likewise, your pass-through area should be at least 500 centimetres wide.” After you change the layout, ensure there is sufficient space for people to circulate comfortably. ‘You should allow at least one metre between the wall and the furniture,” Crawford says, ‘and a minimum of one-and-a-half metres from the door.”
Your sleep schedule
If you’re going to go running, eat a balanced breakfast and save the world by 10am, you really need to wake up earlier. But don’t expect to change your body clock overnight. ‘Exercise self-discipline,” says Dr Hendrick Badenhorst, a Port Elizabeth-based psychologist who specialises in sleep therapy. ‘Go to bed five minutes earlier each night and set your alarm five minutes earlier every day until you reach your goal.” If work demands you switch to the graveyard shift, try to trick nature. ‘Create a night-time equivalent by minimising light, noise and interruptions from kids, animals or visitors,” says Veena Kander, clinical technologist at The Constantia Sleep Centre in Cape Town. ‘Give your body time to acclimatise to the new schedule and avoid sleeping right up until you have to be at work.” If you’re changing time zones, mitigate jet lag by starting to reset your body clock before you travel. ‘Try to get your circadian rhythm (sleep cycle) in line by staying up very late a few days before the flight and then use the time on the plane to sleep,” adds Kander.
Your style
Somewhere between the fall of shoulder pads and the rise of low-cut jeans, you may have lost your flair. If so, shop for a style before shopping for clothes. ‘Go through magazines and tear out pictures of women whose looks you admire,” says Odette Will, fashion consultant at Isjon, a makeover agency in Jo’burg. ‘Try to pick someone whose personality you can relate to because this will be reflected in what you buy.” Also, be sure to choose a look that’s right for your lifestyle. ‘You don’t want to fill your wardrobe with long, flowing, organic fabrics if you’re trying to cultivate a classic corporate look,” cautions Will. Celebrity fashion stylist Jodie Stinson says accessories are ideal for updating your wardrobe. ‘They’re a clever way to stay in touch with the newest trends without having to go to the expense of buying the entire look.” As for your face, clip photos of women whose hair and make-up you like, then take them along to a salon. Even if a cut is wrong for your features, your stylist will see what you’re aiming for.
Your computer password
It may bring a smile to your face to use FluffytheCat as a password, but you won’t be smiling when it’s been cracked faster than you can type it. Pets’ names, car names, surnames followed by 1, anything clichéd like ‘hello” or ‘welcome” are particularly vulnerable. ‘Good passwords are a minimum of eight characters and contain numbers, symbols or punctuation,” says George Shaffer, the creator of a website that offers comprehensive advice on passwords (www.geodsoft.com/howto/password). To make yours easy to remember, ‘don’t use a password — use a pass phrase,” says Ferdie van der Merwe, software developer and owner of Innovative Solutions in Pretoria. Then replace some of the vowels with symbols: M@ryh@d@littlel@mb is good; 1’m@p00rm@n is better. Best? Passwords with a combination of upper and lower case letters in an unfamiliar sequence. ‘In other words,” explains van der Merwe, ‘don’t use capitals as you would in a sentence, but in a way that looks odd to the eye.”
Your food order
It’s been 15 minutes since you ordered the chicken, but boy, does that salmon look good. Too late? ‘Not if the table is having starters,” says José Gonçalves, owner of Havana Grill and Wine Bar in Durban. ‘It varies from restaurant to restaurant, but typically the chef will only begin preparing your main course once the starter plates have been cleared.” If you’ve gone straight for mains, tell your waiter it’s okay if you’re served last. ‘But generally,” concedes Rheinhardt van Zyl, co-owner of @ Life Café in Pretoria, ‘we prefer to slow the rest of the order down in the kitchen to coincide with the preparation of the new dish.” If you want something else once your food has been served, ‘we’ll gladly bring you another choice off the menu,”’ says Katie Barratt, senior manager at Lush in Knysna. ‘We’ll give you the extra meal in a box to take home if you like,” she says. However, you should be prepared to pay for both. The key is to be courteous, adds Gonçalves. ‘We always appreciate politeness.”
Someone’s mind
The essential rule when trying to convert someone is: don’t — at least, not at first. ‘Initially, you should focus on needs, not attack positions,” says Craig Arendse, MD of the Mediation and Transformation Practice in Cape Town. ‘Asking the question ‘Why?’ opens up constructive dialogue.” This approach applies whether the subject is appeasing conflict between colleagues or that sofa your husband wants to buy. After listening to their logic, show that you get it. ‘Tell your husband you understand he loves the couch because it’s big enough for the whole family to watch movies from,” says Catherine Cardinal, a psychologist and the author of A Cure for the Common Life (DeVorss). ‘If you’re negative, he’ll defend it more.” Next, nudge the other person to see your side. Paraphrase their story in your own words, ‘then claim your own feelings on the subject by using the ‘I’ mode,” Arendse advises. This builds empathy and enables you to generate a whole list of new options together.
Your career
Doing what you love is more practical than you think. If you’re trying to find your calling, take a step back and analyse your inherent talents and interests. ‘Research shows that a large proportion of employees feel ‘stuck’ in their careers,” says Laura Kartus of Perfect Careers, a career guidance and assessment company in Jo’burg. Make two lists, suggests Richard Bolles, author of What Colour Is Your Parachute? (Ten Speed), one with your top five skills, the other with your five favourite fields. Show your lists around zealously and you’ll get lots of suggestions. For an intermediary shift, Bolles says, ‘either change your title and keep the field, or keep your title and change the field.” Graham Halse, a Durban-based psychologist who specialises in career counselling, encourages ‘try-out” work experience. ‘By volunteering to spend a couple of days in your chosen industry environment, you’ll get a feel first-hand of what the job entails — and whether, in fact, you actually like it.”
Written by Amy Spencer, additional text by Vanessa Dace, photographs by Mark Lund. Excerpted from the September 2006 issue of Real Simple magazine