According to ANC Youth League President Fikile Mbalula in his latest online oration, there is a ”despot next door” trying to enhance his ”dictatorship”. Before readers choke on their moerkoffie and think that the ANC has finally decided to start considering possible discussions about a hypothetical veiled and allusive criticism of Robert Mugabe, the Oom should point out that Mbalula is referring to King Mswati of Swaziland. The moral of this story seems clear: despots can stuff their own countries down the toilet all they want, but make the slightest territorial demand on their neighbour and silent approval instantly becomes sanctimonious revulsion.
Brains at half-mast
Oom Krisjan understands the outrage over last weekend’s waving of the old South African flag at Twickenham, but he would like to urge calm. Having spent time in the Signal Corps of the Dorsbult Naval (Inland) Reserve, he is almost entirely sure that those Gawies who were doing the flag-waving were in fact simply trying to send semaphore messages back home. In this case, one message read ”Hello Ma en Pa, kyk hoe ‘n groot doos is ek, my brain is leaking out of my poephol, lots of love, your son, Dick.” See there. Not racists. Just morons.
Ask me no questions…
In last week’s online briefing, the ANC berated journalists for grim predictions about how government scandals and corruption are driving voters away from the ruling party. Where are their statistics, asked the writer? Where are the precise numbers of defectors? Strangely, though, the website is tjoepstil about the reasons provided for the alleged mass exodus: apparently it’s now a given that scandal and corruption are part of government.
A word or two
American dictionary publishers Merriam-Webster are calling for submissions for the ”one single word that sums up 2006”, offering candidates like ”sectarian” and ”decider”. In the spirit of international lexical solidarity, the oom would like to invite readers to e-mail him similar suggestions that sum up the year down here, but he has to admit that so far the hot front-runner has to be ”umshini”. Send your suggestions to [email protected].