Tasha Clarke and Gary Maguire are best friends. They work together, have lunch together — they even go out for drinks at the weekend together. In fact, they spend so much time together that some of their colleagues think they’re an item. But Clarke and Maguire, who have been working together for just less than two years, are both in long-term relationships. It’s just that at work, they might as well be married — to each other.
And they’re not the only ones. A recent study has found that 36% of us admit to having an ”office spouse” — a very close, platonic, opposite-sex friendship at work. And although it might result in some, shall we say, interesting conversations with your real-life partner, the study concluded that having an office spouse could make you happier with your job and even improve your chances of promotion.
For Clarke and Maguire it was love at first sight. ”We were working on the same project, and just got talking,” Clarke explains. ”We have the same sense of humour, and Gaz says that I’m quite like his girlfriend. If he’s in a mood I know straight away, and he always has a cup of coffee waiting for me in the morning. But I don’t think of him as a potential boyfriend.”
Cary Cooper, professor of organisational psychology and health at Lancaster University, reckons that Clarke and Maguire might be on to something. ”It’s an ideal relationship in a sense, because you get all the support of a romantic relationship without the downsides. Your ‘spouse’ understands the culture and environment but is also looking after your interests.”
That’s certainly what account manager Jon Angeloni and account director Dawn Harnetty found. ”Dawn and I bicker and fight like a proper married couple, but at the same time we know what the other one is thinking. It’s really helped us,” Angeloni says.
Harnetty agrees: ”We bounce ideas off one another and I’ve got someone who understands the personalities and problems,” she says. ”I can chat something through with Jon and know I’ll get honest advice and support that I wouldn’t necessarily get outside the office.”
According to workplace expert Judi James, replicating a married relationship at work comes naturally. ”Pairing off is an activity that makes us feel safer in a pack situation,” she says. ”And in the office we especially want to feel secure.” But, as James points out, having an office spouse isn’t necessarily all platonic hearts and flowers: being a team of two can interrupt the office equilibrium — and the fact that you don’t fancy each other can actually make it worse.
”Most real couples almost ignore each other at work to cover up the relationship, but when you’ve got a clear conscience people often go in for industrial-strength flirt signals, which can destabilise the entire team,” James says.
”In an office spouse relationship your empathy deepens and solidifies to the point where you feel you can almost read each other’s minds and that’s hideous for other people, because they’re not communicating with you on that level and don’t know what you’re thinking.”
However, although colleagues are often not exactly thrilled to find themselves in the middle of a Mills and Boon romance that doesn’t even supply a dose of decent gossip, for Sarah Thomas, who works in the same team as Angeloni and Harnetty, having an ”old married couple” around has its upsides.
”If they have a storming row it’s not annoying, it’s just entertaining, and when they are getting on really well it improves everybody’s productivity,” she says. ”Dawn is very much like the mother figure, and Jon is probably not dad, but more big brother.”
James reckons that might be why Angeloni and Harnetty’s team don’t mind their ”married couple” status. ”The only time I’ve seen these kinds of relationships work in the office is when the people who pair off are alpha and subliminally remind people of the parental role,” she explains. ”If everyone sees you as mum and dad you might have to deal with a bit of rebellious child behaviour now and again, but it can work very well. In fact, settling into an alpha relationship can really help your career, with people seeing you as almost running the company one day.”
For the rest of us, however, James reckons exclusive relationships are best avoided. ”I don’t think you should expect to make good friends in the workplace — if it happens, that’s great, but make sure you keep it open and don’t settle into behaviour that excludes other people.”
It’s good advice — the only problem is that most office spouses find it hard to prise themselves away from each other long enough to take it in. Angeloni remains unrepentant. ”We stand up for each other and look out for each other, and sometimes people do find it hard,” he says. ”But having an office spouse is great. Everyone should have one!” — Â