I have just wasted seven hours, in which I could have learned how to speak fluent French or overcome my fear of rats.
While I was sleeping last night, I could have been learning the subliminal way. By playing a CD, transmitted through my pillow, I could have done all the above, and if I had enjoyed a sleep-in, could probably have also filled in my tax returns.
“While you sleep!” is a catchphrase on hundreds of internet sites selling products that are supposed to help you, for example, “overcome fear of clowns” and “master the bagpipes”.
“Sleep learning” comes out of the “self-empowerment” movement, dating back to the 1930s. Instructions on how to do all manner of things while having a snooze used to be contained in cassettes kept in the section of the bookshop next to macrobiotic cookery books. But, with the growth of the internet, “learn and improve while you sleep” merchandise is growing in popularity.
My favourite, on sale at sleeplearning.com, is Love Power, for those unlucky in love. “Looking for a new partner? This CD contains everything you need. Build your confidence, change your attitudes, and start creating opportunities in your life to attracting new love, with the amazing new subliminal recording.”
And look at this one! The Under Covers Secret Agent CD. “Turn into the ultimate James Bond! Remain calm, cool and sophisticated. Take risks. Boost your confidence. Tune into your inner powers of seduction. Become the ultimate man in just 60 minutes.”
There is also a programme that can help you achieve “natural breast enlargement”. But you can stop biting your nails, and stuttering, learn how to be hysterically funny, lose weight, stop smoking, gain confidence and do better in exams, all in an hour. I am disappointed at the gaps, though. Where is the “Learn to love ironing” lesson?
Do they work for anyone? The British Psychological Society dismissed the concept back in 1992, finding that one has to be, er, awake to learn. Try telling that to all those bored students in lecture halls. In the meantime, I’m off to learn how to cook like a master chef. Night, night. — Â