Do men love younger women? Well, do ducks take to water? There are many reasons why old sods like me find ourselves shamelessly looking at pretty young things and wishing age was on our side. Sometimes, as Mandla Mthembu has proved, with a bit of money we can turn the hands of time.
Many female friends and acquaintances have asked me why it is that men can’t get over their obsession with and lust for young girls. In a very few instances I have braved an honest answer. Most of the time, however, I hide behind a bottle of wine or whisky — sometimes both — to share my two cents’ worth of wisdom gained during my 30-something years. Women generally, and my wife in particular, accuse me of being backward, unfair and unreasonable. Feminists just call me ‘chauvinistâ€!
When it comes to men’s views on women and age, the question of women and size seems to me the real issue.
A musician once said: ‘Age is nothing but a number.†I am afraid the same cannot be said about size. In fact, one famous female war cry is that ‘size does countâ€. Men are made to feel small — pun intended — every time this war cry is repeated.
Men have been accused of many sins, but the deadliest has to be ageism. Apparently, and often truthfully, we have a fetish for young, nubile things over women of a mature age. But this accusation is flawed. If men had to collectively stand in the dock in a court of law I can think of no fewer than three good reasons why any judge — male or female — would reject the charges with the contempt they deserve. But that’s an argument for another day.
Men, for all their sins, cannot be accused of inconsistency. If I am attracted to tall and slim women as a 16 year old, it will take more than a catastrophic memory loss for me to start finding short and stout tannies to die for, even if they have all the money and power in the world.
Similarly, I know of guys who desire women with flesh, lots of flesh on bones, and no amount of short skirts would make them see any beauty in, say, Iman the model.
Consistency is most evident in the case of men who like to go to bed with the same woman they proposed to, even if it is 30 years later.
But women grow and develop some otherworldly features — like cellulite, loose tummies and bosom creep. It is one thing to grow but to move from a size 28 in 2007 to a free-for-all size 40 just two years later is hard on a man’s desire.
So it’s not age in itself that men have a problem with.
Of course, those young girls with their tight-fit, low-cut jeans tend to distract us from the maturity we may have developed, and I am not about to suggest that we are immune to this near-fatal attraction. Our challenge is that women change, and change big, pun intended.
But then there are women like Housing Minister Lindiwe Sisulu. I know of many peers, and many older men, for whom this lady, almost 20 years my senior, is an object of desire. In fact, I do not know of any men who find her unattractive or too old.
An old man I know, who happens to be about eight years the honourable minister’s senior, cannot be accused by his not-so-small wife of chasing after other women. But he extols the virtues of Lindiwe Sisulu, oblivious of her age.
And, by the way, we are not talking about a small-figured, bony woman who starves herself to look pretty. All I know is that, as we say ekasi, the minister upheth’istyle. She knows how to keep herself looking good and attractive. She can give many women — even those half her age and size — a run for their money. So Mandla Mthembu may have won (and lost) a prized one, but I can think of many more men — young and old — who would rather be seen in the company of women like Lindiwe Sisulu.
‘What about your beer bellies,†did I hear you ask? Well, it is up to women to know what they want and to insist on it. All I know is that most men would find it easier to watch the parliamentary channel, if only to catch another glimpse of Lindiwe Sisulu, than to rush home to twice the woman they met years ago. Wa tseba mos.
(Disclaimer: My wife has read and sanctioned this column.)