My cellphone is the only thing left that occasionally brings me a smile in an environment where there is little left to laugh about.
Every day I wake up to a cellphone full of text messages poking fun at Zimbabwean political leaders or the bad shape of the Zimbabwean economy. Zimbabwe is a nation of naturally opinionated, humorous people, who use laughter to help cope with critical situations — personal, political or economic.
These days speaking one’s mind — let alone debating the country’s problems in public — can be a grave mistake. But while Zimbabweans have learned to live with a raft of laws stifling their freedom of speech, it doesn’t mean we’re not talking. Zimbabweans have learned to express themselves in different ways. Text messages have become a forum for people to vent, mock and say things that they would not say or do openly.
A cellphone has become more than just a tool of communication, it has assumed a new identity and become a tool of survival.
I am one of the people who use a cellphone to relieve everyday stresses by exchanging political messages with friends and relatives.
Post June 27’s one-man election, one of the most widely circulated text messages goes: ”The run-off is over, now it’s time to run away to the diaspora —”
Another suggests that the ”run-off” might as well be a beauty contest between the daughters of Morgan Tsvangirai and Robert Mugabe as the electorate was denied the chance to choose between their fathers. Such comments raise a weary laugh among us and, though not really very funny, they allow us to share the sad joke without getting arrested — or worse.
With the depressing economic situation, going home after work to an empty table can be a dreaded experience for both husband and wife.
I sent my wife a text message doing the rounds in an attempt to ease domestic tensions about our own budget.
”You need to go to the bank for four consecutive days to be able to buy lunch at Jameson Hotel. The lunch costs $400-billion but the bank limits customers to withdrawing $100-billion a day. So if you want to have lunch, you need to go for four days without having it so that you can go to the bank for four days to get $400-billion to buy lunch.”
My cellphone comes in handy when I need to change foreign currency. South African rands, United States dollars and British pounds are like gold; you have to try to get the best rate. I do not want to do this negotiation by going to the street traders in person as I’d expose myself to arrest, let alone thieves. It takes only a couple of minutes to agree on the ”going rate” at any given hour, so instead I text various traders a message asking for offers and choose the best rate.
With advertising space shrinking in newspapers in the economic downturn, companies are making use of SMS to advertise.
”We offer South African, Namibian, Mozambican and Chinese visa services,” reads a message sent to subscribers of one of Zimbabwe’s two cellphone networks. Their advertising has become one of the most lucrative businesses in the country for the thousands seeking to leave.
But by far the most popular SMS messages caricature Robert Mugabe. There is one among Harare residents suggesting that he be sent farming and make way for Simba Makoni to head a new government of national unity.
There is also a bleak weather forecast doing the rounds which reads: ”Partly MDC, partly Zanu-PF, by midday a total eclipse will engulf Zanu-PF and there will be a thunderstorm … a tsunami will follow and cyclone Zanu-PF will persist for five years causing major disruptions in cities and untold suffering.”
But the real clincher is the inflation newscast SMS about how ”criminals robbed the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe today and got away with $100-trillion. Police are still looking for a motive.”
Stanley Kwenda is a journalist based in Harare. Check out his blog, recording the trials and tribulations of Zimbabweans at www.tatamburatimes.blogspot.com
