One of my favourite passages from the Bible is taken from the book of Ruth, Chapter 1; 16-17. This scripture is often read at weddings and being the soppy, hopeless romantic that I am, it always brings me to tears; leaving me an unattractive mess of mascara stained cheeks.
These are the words that Ruth utters to her mother-in-law Naomi, long after her own husband has died. Naomi is urging her to leave and return to her family since her husband is no more: implying there is no need for her to feel obligated to remain with her, but Ruth demonstrates her commitment and love by saying these words: ‘Don’t urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go, I will go and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me.”
I’m thinking of Ruth’s profound words as I peruse a press release from Kaya FM announcing the return of Two strangers and a Wedding. The competition runs over eight weeks and prospective brides and grooms contest live over the airwaves for the chance of scooping a lifetime partner, with several prizes thrown in for good measure.
The ‘winners” finally get to meet for the first time at the alter after weeks of suspense and mystery. The call for entries invites prospective candidates to submit their applications from which a panel and listeners will select the ultimate bride. The bride-to-be must then select her perfect stranger from the top five most eligible male prospects.
Seems simple enough — marriage made easy — you can now order your bride or groom on the airwaves. None of that cumbersome business of dating and getting to know each other.
The first instalment was hugely popular with listeners; with people fervently opining about who they would vote for as their favourite bride and groom. It’s excellent radio and a clever gimmick to attract listeners. They’ve tapped into people’s obsession with other people’s lives and their tireless search for love.
But was it as successful as the press release claims? Was it a match made in radio frequency heaven? After a star-studded lavish wedding ceremony to the tune of R1,5-million, dream honeymoon in Mozambique, rent-free penthouse for a year, a car for each, plus a cash prize of R100 000 … the marriage lasted all of three months. Flight engineer Derrick Matthee and accounting assistant Gail Brookstein have reportedly been at each other’s throats since then.
The cracks began to show soon after the nuptials when Matthee’s ex fiancé emerged out of the woodwork a week after the wedding, claiming that she was still engaged to Mathee and that he was only marrying Brookstein for the prize money.
What?! Shock horror, we all gasped! It was all a façade and essentially a fraud after all.
I have no sympathy for any of the wounded parties because the very nature of this competition is absurd. How can you gamble with a major decision such as marriage by hoping that a few strangers on the wireless will get it right? It cheapens the very nature of marriage — an institution which is already under threat in SA — given the declining marriage rates.
Ruth made a life-time commitment — not only to her husband but also his family — by saying ‘your people will be my people”. With this kind of competition, how can his people begin to be your people when you don’t even know him? The first time you lay eyes on each other is when he finally removes the gas mask concealing your face as you walk down the aisle. How romantic. What would your husband say — I knew from the moment that I saw your bug-eyed stare through the gas mask that you and I were meant to be?
The whole sorry affair is just tawdry. I can’t believe that these are the levels that people will now stoop to in order to find a mate. Judging by many of the married couples around me, this marriage business is hard work and not to be scoffed at.
Throwing in a few bob and a media circus to boot is not going to make it any easier. It ridicules the sanctity of marriage. People who may genuinely be looking for love will be exploited by potentially matching them with those whose intentions are insincere. They may only be taking part in such a competition because of the lure of the prizes. Let’s just go back to old fashioned ways — however slim the chances of finding happiness, at least you will have made the choice and commitment yourself.