Is it homophobic to think of African homosexuals as cute, chirpy little things in brightly coloured feathers? I mean, if you are not gay yourself?
Because it strikes me that gay rights in Africa can function as a canary in a coal mine. When a country’s citizens don’t have the basic right to freedom of sexual orientation, you can pretty much bet that other human rights are going to be under threat.
Gay rights are enshrined in our pesky Constitution (keeping politicians, sexists and Julius Malema’s ANCYL-biters reluctantly honest since 1994), but this isn’t true of all countries. At present, 38 or so African nations criminalise homosexuality in one way or another.
Our illustrious ambassador to Uganda, the Honourable Jon Qwelane, was recently declared guilty of hate speech because of his seminal column titled “Call me names, but gay is NOT okay“. He too finds the Constitution to be an irritating hindrance to transforming our country into a nation where all politicians think with their testicles, (cheers, Miss M and the Madam), and where being a moffie is almost as heinous a crime as voting for the Democratic Alliance.
He wrote, in his honest Christian way: “I do pray that some day a bunch of politicians with their heads affixed firmly to their necks will muster the balls to rewrite the Constitution of this country, to excise those sections which give licence to men ‘marrying’ other men, and ditto women.”
I’m not sure what Jon means by a “ditto woman”. I assume it’s some sort of reference to bumping clitorises together. Still, that’s neither here nor there (insert your own obligatory “men can never find it” joke). What is relevant is that in Uganda, where The Hon Jon proudly flies our flag at a government-approved heterosexual half-mast, there is an anti-homosexuality Bill on the table making it a crime punishable by death.
Many nations have put pressure on Uganda, although not noticeably the country represented by The Hon Jon. So Uganda’s soft nancy-boy Parliament will probably compromise on benign life imprisonment as a punishment. Tsk. Get some balls, as The Hon Jon says on a Friday night. And yes, this is some deep irony, as the gay man said to his metal butt plug.
On a continent where only South Africa has institutionalised gay rights, we are represented by a vile homophobe. Still, that might not be irony at all, but instead what Thabo Mbeki used to call “quiet diplomacy”, otherwise known as not having the courage to stand up for what your country is supposed to believe in.
Can somebody tell me — in what world is it okay to have an ambassador who spits on the Constitution he’s supposed to represent?
Chris Roper is the editor of M&G Online. Follow him on Twitter @chrisroperza