/ 31 July 2013

Khaya Dlanga: Power and sex – 50 shades of grey area

Zwelinzima Vavi.
Zwelinzima Vavi. (Gallo)

For something so pleasurable, sex can be pretty dangerous – no matter how brief it is. Ask Zwelinzima Vavi. It was a brief encounter, according to him, but it is likely to cause him many months of terror. For many of us, when we see the Cosatu general secretary, we will think of only one thing. Hopefully it will blow over. 

In an interview with the New York Times in March 12 1944, Albert Einstein said: "With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon." 

The stupidity that Einstein spoke about is not that he became any dumber, it's just that the personal decisions he made around a comment he made about Americans became very controversial and offended his new adoptive homeland. I believe that Einstein was talking about the fact that famous people seem to think rules that apply to everyone else don't apply to them. Time and time again they are right; people let them get away with a little more than they will allow others. However, when they fail, the standards they are held up to are also higher than those ordinary people are held up to. 

It's very likely that someone could have been watching the news about Vavi having sex with another woman who isn't his wife, commenting on it and judging him – while lying in bed with his side-chick. 

There are few things worse than having to come face to face with one's own moral failures, if you have a conscience. It must be worse still when the public sees your moral failings. We like to justify our shortcomings to ourselves – why they are not really failures. Yet if someone does the exact same thing we have done, we are quick to point out their flaws. This is not to say that society must now be blind to what we know and generally agree is wrong. There is a general agreement in society that sleeping with someone else while you are married is wrong. That is what the general secretary did. 

People are black and white when it comes to other people's issues, yet when it comes to their own, they are very grey. The question we need to ask then is should we hold our leaders to higher moral standards than the rest of society, or should we view them as flawed human beings, who, by nature of their positions in society, will face far greater moral challenges than the average human being? Power is sexy and seductive. Power also believes it is entitled. 

A Wall Street Journal article called "The Power Trip" said the following: "Psychologists refer to this as the paradox of power. The very traits that helped leaders accumulate control in the first place all but disappear once they rise to power. Instead of being polite, honest and outgoing, they become impulsive, reckless and rude." 

It's something that happens to a great deal of powerful people, it's a disease which infects men in particular. The more powerful they become, the more reckless they become and the more indestructible they believe themselves to be. Vavi became reckless. He knew there were people who were after him, yet he engaged in reckless behaviour. Not unlike our president, who, during a time when he was under investigation, engaged in reckless and impulsive behaviour. 

Dacher Keltner, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley said: "When you give people power, they basically start acting like fools. They flirt inappropriately, tease in a hostile fashion, and become totally impulsive."

There is a recklessness that seems to infect the mind when power comes. A great deal of this seems to involve sex. Bill Clinton, Anthony Weiner, John Edwards, Jacob Zuma and now Vavi, in a long list. 

It's a question we need to ask and answer. Should we hold our leaders to higher moral standards? When we decide what those moral standards are, which ones do we choose to scrutinise, and which ones do we ignore? 

We have grey areas, but not for our leaders, it seems. But we are also very forgiving. Society needs forgiveness in order for it to thrive. So we have to constantly forgive our leaders.