(Reuters)
THE FIFTH COLUMN
On Friday a pigeon flew in the window without making prior arrangements. Linda, who works in the kitchen, threw her arms up as if praising the bird, while Josh and Carol from accounts herded the animal with mousepads, keyboards and no respect for boundaries, stepping into its personal space, which set it off on an odyssey to the back of the office.
The fun was over and everyone returned to their desks with the staff increased by one — a ray of light considering the no-pet policy and the plethora of studies outlining the benefits of animals to reduce stress and create a positive workspace.
A man in a light-blue uniform walked in and set the alarm off that, thankfully, wasn’t as loud as the car alarms that drifted in from the street, probably because we were indoors and had work to do.
“It will only take a minute,” he yelled above the noise, but I put my headphones on anyway to listen to the sound of beach waves crashing. (The app also has “blowing wind” and “rain on car roof”.) It created the impression of sitting on a beach not far away from an office where they were running routine tests on the alarm system.
I regretted not spending extra cash on noise-cancelling headphones that promised choice with the proposition “what you hear is up to you”, which is a lot more empowering than the phrase “you only hear what you want to hear”, often heard by people who are not good at not listening.
A Skype call came through which required my immediate attention. I ducked under my desk for privacy and to commune with my colleagues’ feet. With the rest of the office conveniently featured as the background to foster that all-important “business feel”, I nodded my head profusely to indicate I understood what was being said while the end of days played out around me.
Behind the laptop I noticed Tracy was wearing the same shoes she had on the day before, which tells you something about the money we earn. Ronald’s foot was bouncing which indicated nervousness.
I watched everyone walk by and it took me back to childhood — hiding from life under counters and blankets. The main difference being that watching the adults as an adult from that angle probably amounted to sexual assault.
The alarm died down. I poked my head out. The office had stopped not working and moved to the window like a herd of sheep. The pigeon flew in from the back.
Across the street was a 1980s high-rise standing in the way of progress and parking. The explosives were packed and somewhere a guy had his finger on a button. The countdown: three, two, one — and down it came, cubicles and all, just like you see on TV.
Josh said it’s about time they took that thing down and went to the kitchen to make everyone coffee. We hung around for another half hour to watch them clear the rubble for what would undoubtedly become another open-plan office where workers can hot-desk and connect and collaborate for better team work and increased productivity.