Friday eds’ note
In an interview with Kevin Hart this year, American rapper Saweetie articulated something I have been practising this year without having the language to name it.
My commitment going into this year — and beyond — is about the triple B’s Saweetie spoke about on Hart to Heart: boundaries, balance and breaks. As a recovering people pleaser, I have battled with setting boundaries, maintaining some semblance of balance while taking as many breaks as possible without 1) hyperventilating about my bank balance or 2) having my body break down before I realise I need a break.
Boundaries
Through amazing online therapists, such as the author of Set Boundaries, Find Peace Nedra Tawwab, I’ve learned healthy and emotionally aware adults have boundaries.
While I know I’ll forever be managing my tendency to please, this year I made major strides and of the three Bs this is the one I’ve leaned into the most. As family and friends come together — with sometimes chaotic outcomes — we’re going to have to practise setting healthy boundaries.
Balance
“What’s that?” I hear you snigger.
Because I’ve been focused on getting my mind right over the last year or so, I have neglected my body. For the longest time I was focused on my exterior. I boxed, hiked, did pilates and danced, so I could fit into the clothes my fashion designer friends put me in.
But what I’ve learned is no matter how cute your outfit is, or how banging your body might be, if what’s happening on the inside is replays of trauma, insecurity and self betrayal, after you’ve got the compliments, you’re left alone with your issues.
Doubling down on meditation, mindfulness and regulating myself has meant I have more (self-)love handles than I’ve ever allowed.
Putting the brakes on my vanity and accelerating my consciousness means as I eat my mother’s delicious turkey and gammon on Christmas Day, I will be thinking about the many lifetimes those delicious moments on my lips are going to have on my hips. What I won’t do is lynch myself for eating life with dessert, I can always lose weight but losing my mind is dangerous. I get a B minus for balance but we’re all works in progress, right?
Breaks
My second-biggest hurdle after boundaries is taking breaks. And I don’t even mean going on holiday and taking time out, I mean doing little things like eating without being on my laptop. Actually taking the time to enjoy the food in front of me without wolfing it down in minutes while I edit a document or rush to a meeting. So imagine, if I can’t do something as basic as eat without rushing, a holiday is a tall order.
But burnout is not cute. No matter who you are. Plus, I love who I am when I’m on holiday. I leave my dignity and reputation at OR Tambo and commit to living like I rarely allow myself to — carefree, spontaneous and responsibly reckless (yes, I know it’s an oxymoron).
So I made a commitment that this year I’d take more breaks; different types of breaks — with friends, alone and everything in between. I believe I got a distinction here …
Temenos Retreat, McGregor
For a solo vacay, I took a two-hour drive from Cape Town to Temenos Retreat in McGregor for a little silence, solitude and recuperation. Complete with a chapel, meditation spaces and a library open 24 hours a day, where you can pick a book and snuggle by the fire, Temenos was exactly what I needed.
I was woken up by peacocks on the roof in the mornings and had the most delicious dinners made by chef Christiaan Campbell at Tebaldi’s.
Driving through the Huguenot Tunnel listening to Christmas carols is a memory I’ll cherish.
Grande Roche Hotel, Paarl
While in the Cape I took a 45 minute drive from my Airbnb in BoKaap to enjoy good wine and great views at Paarl’s Grande Roche Hotel.
I filled up the tub, got a book and allowed my body to wrinkle from luxuriating in the warm water.
I had the most delicious breakfast I’ve ever had at the hotel’s Manor House and looked forward to the turndown service with homemade bonbons each night. I will go back to that memory in January when we’re back to kind regardings.
Walkersons Hotel & Spa, Dullstroom
The first time I got on a horse, I was more nervous than excited. This time, my horse’s name was Spirit and I spoke to him (I apologised for the extra weight he had to carry) and enjoyed the slow pace on a one hour riding session. We went for picnics by the river, had spa treatments, bought whisky at Wild about Whisky and watched a thunderstorm.
Qwabi Private Game Reserve, Waterberg
The newly opened Qwabi Private Game Reserve in Limpopo provided a much needed spa treatment to end of the year, and with a room where I could hear a hippo outside, I enjoyed game drives with my friend Laurice Taitz as we cackled like school girls in the back of the game vehicle.
Next year I’ve booked for a trip to Senegal with my friends Nomtha and Motsei, and I plan on getting my passport stamped a couple of times. And the food I’m going to eat!
This year, I ate so well I’m surprised I haven’t started a YouTube channel about fine dining in SA. From the most delicious prawns and wine at Salsify with M&G’s deputy editor, Athandiwe, laughing and screeching about Germans (it’s an inside joke) and me furiously taking videos of every course, to lunch at FYN with our friend Candice and sharing an amazing dinner with Mogs prepared by Chef Wandile Mabaso at Joburg’s Les Creatifs, I enjoyed chenin blancs, rose’s and my cocktail of choice on holiday, an Aperol spritz.
This issue is packed with the good stuff. From the best places to dine, to the most luxurious getaways – I’ve got my eye on Kruger’s Shalati next year – to which shows to binge watch over the holidays (How To Ruin Christmas and Emily in Paris are on my list ) to bubbles to toast the new year to, this is the most festive and biggest edition this year and we’re so happy you can enjoy it at your leisure.
It’s been a year like no other, so it’s time to layback, relax and take a break. You are worthy and deserving.
Happy holidays and here’s to an incredible 2023!