Not long ago some friends and I went to Ireland to play the remarkable, but often overlooked, golf courses in and around Dublin. We marvelled at the heaving farmland and theatrical par-threes of Druid’s Heath, the subtle, inscrutable greens of Baltray and the wondrous European Club, a 1992 home-made masterpiece by journalist-architect Pat Ruddy.

When South Africa began the 2006 Tri-Nations they succumbed to a humiliating 49-0 defeat to Australia in Brisbane. Three months later they beat the same team 24-16 at Ellis Park. In between, the press, the public and his own employer vilified the coach.

In the end he overstayed his welcome by a year, maybe two. Had Michael Schumacher chosen to retire at the end of 2004, with a seventh world title round his neck, he would not have left the world with the memory of that creepy expression of bogus innocence as he attempted to explain away his inexcusable behaviour during the final qualifying session at Monaco in May of this year.

So what exactly did Keano say to his players in the Inaugural Roy Keane Motivation Lecture? His Sunderland team were 1-0 down against Derby County at half-time. Was it something as suggestive as, ”I know a couple of fellas…”? Or as simple as, ”Nice kneecaps”? If we’re going by past form, perhaps he pinned the entire team against the wall with one hand and slapped them with the other.

There is a scene in the sports-agent movie Jerry Maguire where Tom Cruise’s super-rich NFL client notices a Reebok commercial being filmed, and takes the opportunity to bemoan his endorsement poverty. ”I ain’t getting no love from Chevy,” he rages. Strip away the Cuba Gooding Jnr character’s charisma, and you are left with Ashley Cole.

South Africa’s overcrowded cricket season begins this week with three one-day internationals against Zimbabwe. This hastily arranged series is the result of last month’s enforced early departure from Sri Lanka. It is principally notable for the lack of thought that has gone into the logistics of what is, admittedly, a very short tour.