Ian Fraser

If you’re a regular local Internet user then you will know just how complicated and slow the whole business of getting online is. Sentech’s new MyWireless service aims to change all that. MyWireless is a new broadband Internet access service, now available from Sentech (www. sentech.co.za).

The Earth Summit is upon us, and it’s worth remembering that world leaders often look good wearing a pie. Take a look at the Canadian Prime Minister getting a delicious-looking pie in the face – at Canadian Pie!, TAART! and Australian Pie!

Did you hear the one about the teenager who built his own nuclear reactor to get a boy scout merit badge? Believe it or not, this isn’t a joke. Take a read of the amazing story that’s been bouncing around online for some time, about one gifted teenager and his home made nuclear reactor.

There’s a new movie coming that I sneakily got to see recently – it’s about Jack the Ripper, and it’s based on Alan Moore’s classic graphic novel about the Ripper, freemasonry and beyond. First off, for a look at the official site, go to From Hell.

So you have a cat, and a laser scanner. Ever considered combining them? There’s a long-running site where you can browse the pix of people who’ve done this. And some of the pix are truly crazy. (NO cats get hurt while doing this – although I’m sure some fur gets ruffled.)

There’s a man in Oklahoma, who has an ongoing battle with prostitutes. He follows, films them in action, and then calls in the police. Presumably, he’s unaware of the great audience he’s attracted in allowing the rest of us to browse through pics. Be warned, some of the pictures are very revealing.

So. You’re the South African government and you want to snoop on your internet users. (Why? Well, that’s what budding dictatorships do). Take a look at a long page of emails between local military intelligence, security firms and spies to an overseas company that makes an online surveillance tool.

Remember years ago, spending twenty cents a time to play an arcade game involving a moving paddle at the bottom of the screen, a bouncing ball, and a row of bricks? No, don’t laugh — there wasn’t much else to do back then. You can now download a free clone of the classic Breakout game, and it’s called DX Ball 2.

When the going gets tough, the weird get weirder. Imagine a chanting Buddhist offering advertising space on her body, complete with chart showing the different payments per month, according to the area required. Yup, certain areas are VERY expensive to rent.

Tata ma chance, tata ma f*ckall! A local hacker site decided to satirise the South African Lotto scam, (which has made over a <I>billion</I> rand that has yet to be passed on to any charities.) Did the local Lotto company behave like a decent accountable corporation and laugh and shrug it off?

A PR person for Scientology sent me email, wanting to meet me and ‘find out my views’ – presumably because of my oblique ‘cult’ reference in this column a few weeks back. So before this Cult starts its usual dirty tricks (see below) – here’s the info they don’t want you to have.

Feel the need to stand on a street corner, or boogie on down at a rave, dressed in the finest mid-Seventies fashion — complete with a big Afro wig, purple jacket and yellow feather boa? Me too! So keep on trucking towards the bizarre retro fashions at Pimp Hats!

So you’ve had enough of the corruption and gross mismanagement of our current government, and you’ve decided that world domination is the best option, starting here. It’s not as easy as the movies would have you believe, though. Try <i>A Beginner’s Guide to Taking Over the World</i>.

Once upon a time, you could buy cocaine, opium, amphetamines and morphine in most shops. Many products were happily filled up with stuff that today, would get you busted – from the cocaine in Coca Cola through to arbitrary products like "Mrs Winslow’s Soothing Syrup.

Buried any pets lately? Well, why not join the ranks of grieving ex-animal owners, and post a tribute to your squished dog or cat, at The Online Pet Cemetery. Staying with creatures that have too much energy and brains that don’t quite grasp things like they should, how about Teenage Brains?

Let’s start this week’s column in the toilet. Literally. Pick your receptacle of pleasure, or merely send someone a great toilet-related postcard from the Toilet Museum. Next, their political party is world famous and consists of surreal, crazy and occasionally drunken people having a LOT of fun.

Well, the column is in a new home, with better walls, roofing and much better owners – that said, let’s dive into the newest, weirdest and latest online sites. In Copenhagen the local birdlife has taken to adopting various cellphone ring tones, presumably to stand out from the rest of the flock.

Fancy going up against a chicken, in a game of noughts and crosses, for $10 000? Well, you’d have to get to Las Vegas to do it in person – but here’s an article detailing how a bunch of specially trained chickens are – even as we speak – milking the gamblers at a casino right now.

He’s the ultimate dead parrot customer and Minister for Silly Walks, and known throughout the parts of the world that understand things like ‘comedy’. However, he’s not John Cleese, he’s a celebrity impersonator. Discover what life is like for someone Being John Cleese.

It seems to be only this country which treats its deaf citizens as if they’re morons. Watch local ‘designed for the deaf’ TV, and notice that the content seems laughably juvenile and pretty offensive to any deaf person with an IQ — because being deaf doesn’t mean ‘stupid’.

You know that feeling when looking for a telephone number and a bizarre name happens to catch your eye – well, you’re not alone. Have a look at a collection of names at The Funny Name Server. In keeping with this week’s ‘silly season’ theme, rejoice at the oodles of info to be gleaned from Useless Knowledge.

Okay let’s start off by looking at the animal known as Robert Mugabe. Just to demonstrate that it’s not only white people who can be deranged morons; take a read of this supposedly ‘African’ viewpoint of this Nazi neighbor our President likes holding hands with – at Mugabe The Man of 2001.

I didn’t realize that Zimbabwe’s new media laws prohibit anyone from making rude comments about Mugabe, and it doesn’t matter whether they’re inside the borders of that country or not. It’s now illegal to say anything rude about Mugabe, anywhere.

I think it was Churchill who when asked what constituted Naval traditions replied ‘Rum, Sodomy and the Lash’. So with that in mind, why not take a look at some of the happy songs all those sailors used to sing onboard their ships, at Work Songs of the Sea.

Okay, so you’re rich, bored, and you haven’t discovered that sending me money is a great way of making me happy. So what can you do? Before you try changing channels on your TV, why not browse through the options to be found at <i>101 Things To Do Before You Die</i>.

Local TV has decided to screen a BBC ‘conspiracies’ series, finally introducing the idea that the world is a lot sneakier than previously thought. So here’s a few more conspiracy things. Starting way back in time, try this interesting page from the 1960’s, of a journalist’s escape after Sharpeville.

There aren’t many webcams running locally, thanks to the expensive and lousy bandwidth most users have. For a fascinating glimpse and links into the world of webcams online, as well as the growing increase of kids with webcams trading for goodies try this excellent article from Salon.

If you’re new to computers, then you’ll have discovered the wall of jargon before. But don’t get embarrassed: just try these next sites where you can look up whatever word you want, and find out exactly what it means. Try the Geek-Speak IT Glossary; then File Formats.

The Internet is a useful tool, providing people worldwide with a way to find information they otherwise couldn’t get their hands on, as well as letting them do things that normally they wouldn’t. So let’s look at some useful and silly sites — eg you could always Send Someone Some Doggy Doo!

You’ve heard of the various sex scandals involving the Catholic Church, which have strangely been allowed to receive mass media coverage over the last few months – despite this having been common knowledge for decades.

Conspiracies, weirdness and cutting edge science (and stupidity) this week. Let’s start arbitrarily with WW2, or rather, just afterwards. Did you know that the US allegedly killed some 1,2-million German POW’s after WW2 ended? Follow the links and decide for yourself at German POW Slaughter.