Halaal-a: At The Big Mouth in Sandton, the ribs are fall-off-the-bone tender, says the author. The meat is sourced from halaal butchers, but because this restaurant and its sister in Melrose Arch, Mr George, serve alcohol, they cannot be certified. Photo: Supplied
Who doesn’t love food? If my dadbod is anything to go by, I love food, maybe a little too much. You can imagine my delight that the halaal food scene has blown up in recent years.
South Africa has a vibrant Muslim population so naturally, halaal food is not hard to come by. Rewind a decade or two ago, halaal food would be isolated to areas which was predominantly Muslim. Fordsburg in Johannesburg comes to mind.
Back then, to find good halaal food you’d have to go to restaurants in these areas. I suppose you could always go to family homes or family functions where aunties and uncles would cook some high-class rustic food.
Don’t judge me but the best mutton curry you can get will always be found at a Muslim funeral. I don’t know what those cooks are putting in there but that mutton curry with a few slices of white bread really slaps (Gen Z lingo for amazing). I have to keep telling myself this is a time of mourning, not salivating.
But I digress. This piece is all about where to find the best halaal food in South Africa. This might tick certain people off, depending on how strict your halaal certification is. If it’s very strict please don’t read on. Or do, but don’t bite my head off, please. For me, my personal “halaal level” is proof that the food is from halaal butchers and no pork on the menu.
The best halaal food
For me, the best unequivocally is The Big Mouth or Mr George. The sister restaurants are based in Sandton and Melrose Arch, they are devoid of a halaal certificate because they serve alcohol but can happily provide butcher receipts from the halaal butchers from which the meat is purchased.
You know those ribs, fall-off-the-bone, tender, juicy ribs. Yip they have them and they are out of this world. For me what sets them apart is their ability to make the simple, delicious. Take a simple beef burger or a prego roll. Both are sublime, melt-in-the-mouth goodness. Their sushi is excellent as well. I’m yet to have anything I didn’t enjoy on their menu.
Next on my list is the Momo group, with Asian-fusion-inspired cuisine. The restaurants blew up a few years ago, opening up six different versions around Jozi. Momo Baohaus was the flagship and was located in Greenside. Their food was novel and steeped in Asian flavours.
My favourite one floats between Momo Kuro in Rosebank Keyes Art Mile and Momo Roku in Fourways. Not to be dramatic or anything but the Peking steamed pancakes might just change your life. The crispy calamari! My word, I’ve never tasted calamari that well-prepared and that good. Like so good, my niece who is basically vegetarian becomes pescatarian whenever we go to Momo just for the calamari.
If breakfast or brunch is your jam (strawberry on a scone and cream of course), might I suggest Green Dot Café in Rosebank. Without any ostentatious signage and smack-bang in the middle of the vibrant Saigon Suzy and Benchwarmers it’s easy to miss.
But let me tell you, if you had the pleasure of eating the shakshuka you might just become obscene with the expletives you’ll utter after tasting how good it is. Shakshuka is a North African or Middle Eastern meal of poached eggs in a tomato sauce with spices. If done wrong, it can be highly acidic. The balance on it is spot on. Once you have it, you’ll keep going back.
The Bombay toastie is another version of the famous Haji Ali sandwich. I don’t know who Haji Ali is but I know that it is a landmark in India. After eating their food, you’ll file applications to make Green Dot Cafe a national landmark as well.
Durban must get a mention as well. What kind of Indian would I be if curry type food didn’t feature on this list. But jokes aside Durban’s food scene is thriving. Looking for a bunny chow? Cane Cutters is the place to be. Go for the deluxe mutton or prawn bunny. You read right, a prawn bunny. That prawn curry is dangerous, spicy but so delicious.
Growing up on my grandmother’s food, I firmly believe that for Indian food to be good it must stain the hands slightly after you eat it in colour and smell. For example, after eating my grandmother’s dhal and rice for Friday lunch you’ll get a whiff of the dhal on Sunday despite several hand washes. The prawn bunny does that, it also leaves you with a little sweat. I can tell you a tale of getting locked out of a hotel room with fingers full of this bunny but you’ll have to buy me a non-alcoholic drink first.
Special mentions must go to Vapor Café for its prawns, soft, flavourful and addictive. Smokin Joe’s burgers are possibly the best in the country for me (I found it very hard not to say it’s a knockout). And I can’t leave out Roti and Chai. The tandoori naan wraps and mango lassi will make you feel like you were born in the subcontinent playing cricket. Trust me, it will transport you.
In Cape Town, Talladega Grill has me in a chokehold. The brisket bun is outstanding. It’s gentle on the palette, tasty and hits the spot. Woodies Burgers never miss their mark. Khairun’s Kitchen is so understated but is great if you’re looking for homestyle Indian/Malay style food.
I feel like a special mention must go to Galata in Greenside for the simit burger and the desserts. I’m not usually fond of Turkish food — I find it blander than a dad joke — but shooh, this burger is dangerously good. The dessert took me straight back to the streets of Istanbul indulging on Hafız Mustafa.
Next on my list is EL&N.