“Turning around a ship the size of the SAPS is a little bit like making love to an elephant: first of all … there’s very little pleasure in it, there’s every likelihood you could get crushed, and I know from my house doctor it takes years to see the result.” — Police CEO Meyer Kahn
“The best thing Fivaz can do is go home and start a new business venture. In fact he should have resigned on Sunday if he no longer likes to dance to his boss’s mbaqanga music.” — Former Mpumalanga Safety and Security MEC Steve Mabona entering the fracas between Safety and Security Minister Sydney Mufamadi and Police Commissioner George Fivaz
“There are criminals within our system who have made it clear that they are not prepared to conform to the norms of a democratic society … People like murderers, rapists, armed robbers who repeatedly transgress, they are animals. They must never see sunlight again.” — Department of Correctional Services commissioner, Khulekani Sithole, suggesting dangerous criminals should be thrown down disused mine shafts
“I am gasping for air. This is a barbaric proposal from a commissioner who is supposed to be a progressive, broadminded person. I hope he realises that when slavery stopped, our prison system started.” — Golden Miles Bhudu, president of the SA Prisoners’ Organisation for Human Rights
“The ANC has never closed its eyes to the possibility of a wider conspiracy to murder [Chris] Hani, and thus undermine the ANC and its allies before the April 1994 election.” — The ANC, after reports that some of its members may have been involved in the assassination of the popular Communist Party leader
“What I did to myself was a declaration I wouldn’t ever accept reconciliation with her.” — Jose Tabada of the Philippines, who cut off his penis after his wife left him
“If I was to be locked up, the truth would be inside with me and the lie outside.” — Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging leader Eugene Terre’Blanche after he was handed a six-year sentence for assaulting two former employees
“I will stay cool, calm and elected.” — Former British Prime Minister John Major declaring his new year resolution
“We know he has got big ears, too many teeth and problem hair; that he’s partial to wearing suits which make his head look too small; that he’s religious (or rather we know he says he’s religious); but what do we really know about him?” — Guardian newspaper cartoonist Steve Bell, about newly elected British Prime Minister Tony Blair
“Politicians belong to a strange category of people, and you never know what they will do to achieve their aims.” — Corruption-busting Judge Willem Heath expressing concern about Minister of Finance Trevor Manuel’s attitude to the Special Investigation Unit’s probe into corruption and maladministration of state assets
“Naturally it is fucking politics … with the whole fucking country behind him [Fran=E7ois Pienaar] … Now I hear that Mluleki George also wants to fucking resign on Friday. It’s kaffirs man, it’s the fucking NSC [National Sports Council], the fucking kaffirs.” — Former Springbok rugby coach Andr=E9 Markgraaf, on the tape that led to his resignation
“The politicians can relax. I am not interested in 1999 [elections]. Right now there is still a lot to do — I have a lot of work. I do not want to be president yet … Watch me in 2004.” — Mpumalanga’s former gravy-train consultant Eugene Nyati revealing his political ambitions
“I’ve been through worse situations. They cocked their rifles, but I think it was more to threaten than anything else.” — Former Bafana Bafana coach Clive Barker, after Congolese soldiers tried to prevent the team from training
“You and I have a duty to remove Mobutu [Sese Seko] and his attendants and rotten system and relegate them to the dustbin of history.” — President of the Democratic Republic of Congo Laurent Kabila, following an announcement of his rebel advances in eastern Zaire
“I am happy with the performance of Cuban doctors in South Africa. If I were not, I would not have invited more of them to come here.” — Health Minister Nkosazana Zuma, after returning from Cuba, where she invited another 80 doctors to South Africa
“Public trust in the media will not bevelop where most of us, serious observers of our society who try to be dispassionate and believe in the freedom of the press, have the impression that a self-righteous media environment is not only out to bash the government, but also condescends towards the public.” — Professor Njabulo Ndebele, writing about the Denel arms deal
“I can go into any township, my friend. You must see when I walk in the streets of Johannesburg. Black people wave at me and say, ‘Eugene, Eugene.’ Wait until I call a meeting in Soweto, you will see the number of supporters I have there.'” — Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging leader Eugene Terre’Blanche talking to City Press journalist Charles Mogale
“We feel we have to check whether the SABC is in a coma and whether, in fact, retrenchments would give the SABC a kiss of life.” — Zakes Nene, president of the Media Workers’ Association of South Africa calling for a thorough investigation of the SABC’s deficit
“Defamatory statements about me and the National Party have been bandied about for some time now, and I have now reached the point where I am no longer prepared to regard this as part of the normal political process.” — Former NP leader FW de Klerk
“It is a shameful scene of general stupidity.” –Italian film director France Zeffirelli rebuking the public for idolising Diana after her death
“The problem with Cuba is that we are too near the United States and too far from God.” –ACuban Communist Party central committee member, speaking in Johannesburg in September this year