Andy Capostagno: Rugby
I am reminded of the story of the man who made his own wine. When the vintage had been trampled and bottled he threw a dinner party for the chosen few to sample his pride and joy. After a few sips his oldest and dearest friend said, “So you grew the elderberries at the bottom of the garden, fermented them in the cellar, bottled the wine in the kitchen and then brought it up here to the dining room.”
“I certainly did. What do you think?”
“Doesn’t travel, does it?”
I am also reminded of the soccer international played between Argentina and England some years ago in Buenos Aires. The crowd welcomed the teams on to the field with a shower of paper so impressive that the combatants looked like returning war heroes enjoying a ticker tape parade. It was a still day and when the match kicked off the pitch was white with paper fragments. A sight that caused the BBC’s man in Beunos Aires, John Motson, to remark, “Well, this is definitely a case where the best team on paper should win.”
Both of which stories are intended to shed some sort of light on why the Golden Cats have performed so pathetically in Australia. Like wine, they don’t travel well and although they are a good side on paper, they don’t look great on grass. In successive weekends against the New South Wales Warratahs and The ACT Brumbies they conceded 62 points and scored 13.
Last Saturday’s result (ACT 37, Golden Cats 3) might seem like the nadir, but a quick perusal of the record books reveals that the bottom of the barrel was actually scraped just less than a year ago when the Gauteng Lions lost 23-0 against the Canterbury Crusaders in Christchurch.
Before that reverse you have to go back to 1993 and the old Super 10 for a comparable defeat, 10-3 in Sydney against the Warratahs.
The old Transvaal had their revenge, however, winning the final of the inaugural competition 20-17 against Auckland at Ellis Park. Even at this distance, though, you wonder what would have happened if Francois Pienaar’s men had had to travel to Eden Park for the final.
Coach Peet Kleynhans admits he can’t understand what’s gone wrong, but he is hardly the first South African coach to experience that emotion in the antipodes.
His counterpart at the Coastal Sharks, Ian McIntosh, also saw his team go down in the last round of matches, but he could feel with some justification that the Carisbrooke hoodoo was as much to do with his side’s defeat as an under-performing player pool.
Mac was castigated last year for sending the likes of Mark Andrews to the well far too often. This year he has made conciliatory noises about the importance of keeping a whole squad match fit rather than 15 elite members of it.
His even-handedness may have cost victory against the Otago Highlanders where the absence from the starting line up of Henry Honiball, Pieter Muller and Wickus van Heerden loosened one of the best defensive patterns in the competition.
Mac’s teams, be they Natal, the Sharks or the Springboks, have never won at the House of Pain in Dunedin. All of which suggests that the greater test to come, against the Wellington Hurricanes this weekend, cannot end in anything but dire defeat.
For, after all, Otago are an average side, although good at home, while the Hurricanes are most people’s champions elect. How to beat them?
Well for a start keep the ball in hand. Part of the problem for the Cats against the Brumbies was an apparently widespread belief, among the forwards as well as the backs, that it was a good idea to kick the ball.
Even in the new dispensation there is a case to be made for the educated boot, but added together the boots of the Cats would not pass matric.
It can be assumed that Mac will not be telling his Sharks to emulate their feline countrymen in this respect. In particular he must drum it into the most reluctant hoofer that kicking deep to gain ground against a team that includes Christian Cullen is simply not an option.
Cullen’s pace almost always ensures that he is in the right place to catch the ball in the first place, it then invariably propels him to the point of least resistance in the opposition defence, resulting normally in the whole point of the game, a try.
Sunday’s match up in Palmerston North is being billed as a mini-final and it is as relishable for its individual contests as for the overall spectacle.
Cullen, for instance, was unchallenged as the best fullback in the world last year. This time around there are signs that the old master, Andre Joubert, has one more season of greatness in him.
His anticipation against Otago was sublime and the sight of him being substituted for no apparent reason with 10 minutes left caused the New Zealand television commentator to almost swallow his microphone.
The Sharks play the Hurricanes at 4.35 am, South African time, on Sunday. If you suffer from insomnia, diarrhoea, restless children, or if you are simply returning home, I urge you to watch it.