“This man is the person who raped me, sir. It’s very difficult to forget his face.” – Journalist Charlene Smith, asked by rape accused Johannes Zinto’s lawyer how she can be sure Zinto was her alleged rapist
“Although it is morally reprehensible to rape one’s own child, the man’s sexual deviancy was limited to his own family.” – Cape High Court judge, Justice John Foxcroft, justifying his paltry seven- year jail sentence for a 54-year-old man found guilty of raping his 14-year-old daughter
“He should have carried on lying like any other self-respecting adulterer – with his head held high.” – Nobel Laureate Gabriel Garca Mrquez, on United States President Bill Clinton
“I never will have an affair with a married man again.” – Monica Lewinsky, in her TV interview with Barbara Walters
“I am not overly acquainted with dagga, despite studying at Natal University, but you can smell it in the courtroom.” – A Newcastle Magistrate’s Court official
“No increase/No dial tone/No Africa Games.” – Placard carried by a striking Telkom worker in Johannesburg. Telkom was one of the sponsors of the All Africa Games
“All the people who were shown up as corrupt or inefficient at the commission were made my bosses, while I just got stuck in limbo.” – John Muller, the Mpumalanga traffic official who blew the whistle on corruption in his department
“I hope this doesn’t ruin your trading day.” – Atlanta trader Mark Barton, before he opened fire with a gun and killed nine people in two United States brokerages
“No more difficult than buying milk from a caf.” – Criminals to researchers on access to guns
“This is the African way of stopping crime. The criminal must lie on the ground, and we must work on his buttocks and put him right.” – Monhle Magolego, president of vigilante group Mapogo a Matamaga
“Following thell controlled explosion, an examination of the printer revealed no explosive devices … apparently the printer was not functioning properly following the explosion.” – US State Department representative James Rubin, addressing the media after police blew up a computer printer at the US embassy in Pretoria after a bomb scare
“Since most of the editors I have worked for have been pathological egotists with stunted senses of collective responsibility, I find myself leaning towards the view that there should be no right of absolute autonomy in their office, even if they claim to consult staff.” – Graham Watts, letter-writer to the Financial Mail, objecting to editor Peter Bruce’s endorsement of the United Democratic Movement
“If we are not able to give people free t-shirts, free caps, free food and transport to go to our venue, they generally tend not to come.” – Mosibudi Mangena, president of the tiny leftist Azanian People’s Organisation, commenting on the poor turnout at the party’s rallies
“After today’s election results, we don’t call Marthinus ‘Kortbroek’ anymore. We call him Kaalgat van Schalkwyk.” – A senior African National Congress member in the Western Cape legislature.
“I don’t think that, given the burden of history, we could have done better.” – Judge Dennis Davis, on South Africa’s progress over the last five years
“[There’s] no black in a rainbow” – Afrikaner Weerstandsbeweging leader Eugene Terre’Blanche on the concept of former president Nelson Mandela’s rainbow nation
“He cannot comment on the content of his speech because he did not write it and you may therefore ask him something he does not know.” – “Media adviser” Sefako Nyaka, on why Mpumalanga’s “lying premier” Ndaweni Mahlangu wouldn’t talk to the press after his State of the Province address
“He’s definitely kind of forgiven.” – African National Congress representative Smuts Ngonyama in a television interview on the party’s attitude to Mahlangu
“In politics, your enemies sit behind you and your opponents sit opposite you.” – outgoing Democratic Party Gauteng leader Peter Leon
“Bantu Holomisa treats Roelf Meyer like Ernie Els treats his caddie.” – Weston Shabangu, a founding member of the UDM on defecting from the party
“I am not a rocket scientist from Nasa.” – Minister of Sports and Recreation Ngconde Balfour on transformation in sport
“The President [Mugabe] is rapidly running out of people to blame, although he still has God, the pope, the president of China and Michael Jackson.” – Zimbabwean commentator Eric Block
“When you govern for such a long time, unless you are gods, you also become corrupt and bureaucratic.” – The late, former president of Tanzania Julius Nyerere
“The fact that the [Democratic Republic of] Congo has been transformed into a giant, free, self-service supermarket by all the foreign countries involved provides some insight as to how such an unpopular war has been able to perpetuate itself so long.” – Colette Braeckman, journalist, on the ongoing war in the Congo
“We cannot accept that war, violent conflict and rapine are a permanent condition of existence for us as Africans.” – President Thabo Mbeki, during his State of the Nation address to both houses of Parliament
“Many among the developed countries of the north have lost all sense of the noble idea of human solidarity. What seems to predominate is the question, in its narrowest and most naked meaning, ‘what is in it for me?’ And all this with absolutely no apology and no sense of shame.” – Mbeki on hitches presented by some European Union member states in concluding a free trade deal
“Twenty-two points, plus a triple word score, plus 50 points for using up all my letters.” – Mandela’s scrabble metaphor to puzzled Palestinian legislators in Gaza, after his speech overran the allotted time. Palestinians are apparently not familiar with the board game
“It was standard practice to make sure people were dead.” – Former Vlakplaas commander Eugene de Kock, on why he hit Krugersdorp security guard Japie Maponya twice over the head with a spade after Maponya had been “fatally” shot
“Life is not easy in prison, and now I realise what some of the ANC and PAC [Pan Africanist Congress] members went through when they were imprisoned.” – Eugene de Kock, during his amnesty hearing at the Truth and Reconciliation Commission
“They [former state president PW Botha and justice minister Kobie Coetsee] are cowards. I don’t think God will ever punish them – He doesn’t even want to see them.” – De Kock
“I live a hugely privileged life. I’m rich. I’m happy. I’ve got a great job. I’m like a pig in shit.” – Actress Julia Roberts
“The rebels caught me and five other people and lined us up. A man … cut off my forearms with an axe, then cut one hand off each of the other people. He told us to go and see President [Tejan] Kabbah, so that he could give us new hands.” – Isatu, a 13-year-old girl whose forearms were amputated in the war in Sierra Leone
“No one was present when life first appeared on Earth. Therefore, any statement about life’s origins should be regarded as theory, not fact.” – A warning every Alabama school textbook must carry when discussing evolution
“Doctors predicted I would die from TB when I was 12, so my last 56 years have been an absolute bonus.” – Desmond Tutu, after discovering there was a recurrence of his prostate cancer
“The fact that our creams are being smuggled into your country is not our problem.” – Stephen Dunning of Nish Cosmetics in Manchester, which makes skin lightening cream Jaribu, denied his country was involved in the illegal trade of skin lighteners
“The Pinochet dictatorship was a good dictatorship. I don’t think they tortured or killed: he just did what was necessary.” – Antonia de la Maza (17), daughter of Joaquin Lavin’s campaign manager, Francisco de la Maza, speaking on political matters in Chile
“Killing civilians is an utterly predictable, inevitable part of war, and Britain has nothing to be ashamed of – especially as it already has a long history of doing whatever is necessary, to whomever it needs to be done, in order to win.” – The Daily Telegraph’s columnist Sion Simon, justifying the Nato bombing of Kosovar refugees
“We don’t want more blood spilt, but war is war.” – Lieutennant General Gennadi Troshev, the commander of the Russian forces in east Chechnya
“It’s not over till the fat lady sings – and we don’t allow fat ladies on the premises.” – Playboy Mansion resident Hugh Hefner wondering aloud about the status of his divorce
“I haven’t got a computer yet.” – Derek Hanekom, four months after being redeployed from his position as minister of agriculture and land affairs to being an ordinary ANC MP