For any youngsters out there who watched Brazil beat Costa Rica 5-2 here’s a word of advice. Don’t try that at home. Your coach and watching grandparents will have a bloody heart attack.
For neutrals it was just like watching Brazil — twice. And yes, the mighty gold-and-blues must be the favourites now, as they cruise into the last 16 with three wins and 11 goals.
Jittery Germany, who also scored 11 times in qualifying, and boring England, who scored twice, are worth a punt too. These three former winners of the Greatest Show on Earth are habitual qualifiers; Brazil last failed to get through the group stage in 1966, England in 1958 and Teutonically efficient Germany, like a well-oiled Mercedes, never break down at the first hurdle.
But what of perennial under-achievers Spain, whose efforts since their fourth place in 1950 have had all the well-oiled efficiency of a Soweto taxi? They’ve won three out of three, scored nine and face the horse-and-cart approach of Ireland on Sunday. Sadly, it’s a dose of Viva Espana for the jolly Green Giants.
Turkey, who sneaked past Costa Rica on goal difference, may just be in with a shout. Soon we shall find out just how seriously we should take the under-sized, under-rated hosts, South Korea and Japan.
Italy, who qualified with a streaky 1-1 draw against Mexico on Thursday, will fancy themselves. They always do, especially that Paolo Maldini geezer with the big lips, bouffant hair and high cheekbones. Mind you, with Mexico 1-0 up at half-time, it looked like the fourth former World Cup-winning nation was about to go out. And surely we can’t discount high-flying Senegal?
The pre-tournament favourites are also flying high as you read this. Argentina are somewhere over the Pacific, France prefer the Atlantic. Both had to scramble for the unscheduled early flight home.
There are no words of comfort. Not from an Englishman. In fact ”Heh, heh, heh” springs easily to Anglo-Saxon lips.
But there remains a global sympathy for the attractive sides who have been queueing at the check-out desks this week.
How can we wave farewell to African champions Cameroon, heartbroken Bafana Bafana, Nigeria, Uruguay, Ecuador and Costa Rica when workmanlike Ireland, Germany, England, Sweden and Denmark are still strutting their unfunky stuff? It just doesn’t seem fair.
Clearly, Brazil and Mexico (my dark horses, along with up-the-Poland) will be relied upon for the sparks in the latter stages.
But I bring you this word of warning: Sweden and Denmark, our Scandinavian cousins, form part of a triumvirate, with the absent Norway, who have lost just twice in their past 18 World Cup clashes.
Denmark’s 2-0 win heralded that surprise chorus of Lost in France, while Sweden’s 1-1 draw had everyone crooning Don’t Cry for Me Argentina.
Could this be a first Scandinavian triumph? Does the fact that Swede Sven-Goran Eriksson, the England coach, is from that part of the world (Scandal-navia in his case) help England? Tune in next week, same batty time, same batty place.
This World Cup could go anywhere. E-mail me at [email protected] if you think you know who’se going to win it. My rallying cry? It won’t be Paris, it could be Dakar.
So here’s what hot so far:
Player of the tournament: Mexico’s Cuauhtemoc Blanco. Yes, I know it’s hard to spell, but have you seen the delightful two-footed flick?
Goal of the tournament: Paraguay’s Nelson Cuevas. Came on as a sub, scored after four minutes and then, in case South Africa need reminding, crashed home the qualifying goal off the underside of the bar.
Biggest disappointment: Juan Veron of Argentina? A sluggish Ronaldo despite his goal-a-game start for Brazil? The injured Frenchman Zinedane Zidane? No, Francesco Totti. Luckily, Italy’s finest player before June still has a chance to redeem himself
Biggest cheat: Argentine substitute Claudio Canniggia, and he didn’t even play. He was the one who tried to get a team-mate to take the rap when he was banished to the stands. The referee was having none of it.
Biggest player: Jose Luis Chilavert. Yes, he’s huge. And when a Paraguayan journalist suggested a diet, Chilavert floored him.
Player British sides didn’t miss: Roy Keane of Manchester United. (once of Ireland). Can you imagine the response Veron and Keane will get in the Premiership next winter?
Player Britons will miss: South Africa’s Benni McCarthy. Middlesbrough had him all signed and sealed for £6-million when his agent Rob Moore pulled the Celta Vigo striker out of the deal.
Boro spokesman Keith Lamb said this week: ”Agents must realise that the climate in football is changing. The gravy train is coming to an end and clubs are starting to be more realistic in their negotiations with players.”