For once my sympathies lie with men. If the new trend to catch a man is to smile, accept a date, make him pay for your dinner, act coy and then act more coy, before finally giving him the cold shoulder — when you’re interested in a possible relationship– where does that leave a man?
In this politically correct age where a man could be accused of sexual harassment if he just winks at you or compliments you for wearing a nice dress, where does that leave him if now women are expecting men to be chasers and pursuers?
Robert Kelsey, last week, complains in a seriously witty way about his experiences as a single man trying to date in New York. He says that what is happening to him is not uncommon to millions of single men in New York. ”Man approaches woman in a bar. Man gets number. Man makes call. Man pays for dinner. Woman doesn’t invite man home. Woman doesn’t even kiss man. Woman says ‘thank you and goodnight’.”
It’s driving Kelsey up the wall. If I were a man, it would drive me up the wall and beyond, into the land of apoplexy. Women can’t have it both ways. The hypocrisy stinks.
We want equality. We demand equal pay. We ask to be treated with respect. We demand not be sexually harassed. We request that we not be treated like idiots. We want our views to be taken seriously. We want to be promoted to directors. We want equality in child-rearing, and much, much more. All rightly so.
But now millions of women want to be wilting lilies, while the hard-won gains of the past go blowing in the wind. Kelsey blames the new, and backward, phenomenon on a book that millions of American women are reading and taking oh so seriously: The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr Right by ”two witches” called Ellen Fakeorgasm and Sherie Spinster.
In this book women are taught to regress, regress and regress. Before South African women begin to think that all things American must be forward thinking, let me tell you this: men, whether American, British, South African, black, white or blue, do not want this. They don’t want to be confused. They want to know whether you like them or not. They want to know whether you want sex or not. They like being asked out for a date. They don’t want to play silly games that should have been abandoned at primary school. They don’t want to break off flower petals and chant ”she loves me, she loves me not”.
Seriously, men don’t want these guessing games. They find it unsettling and not worthy of respect or fun.
Don’t forget that only recently men have begun to see the light and become new men. You know, getting in touch with their feminine side, attending therapy, learning to understand their emotions, becoming more sensitive to a woman’s feelings, giving sexual pleasure unstintingly, changing nappies, learning to cry and not be ashamed — all these really sweet things. But now how can they change tack again, to become brutes once more? If this trend persists, we are going to have a whole new generation harking back to the hairy caveman stuff, a world full of molesters and attackers. When a woman says no, the man is going to think she means yes, she wants me to pursue her, to persist.
Not one man I know or met has ever indicated that this is fun, that this is the way to capture their hearts, that they enjoy the coy come-on looks, the batting of the eyelids, only to be brushed off afterwards, when an advance is made.
Even more astonishing than all this ridiculous batting of eyelids or eyelashes, whatever the case may be, is the fact that women these days are more and more commonly earning as much as men. Look, we are not on par, not by a long shot, but we are getting there and we will get there.
So why fight for equality only to ”save the dosh”, as Kelsey puts it. His dinner companion earned way more than he but when the bill came she looked away all embarrassed. While she probably thinks this is the way to win and capture a man’s heart, he is seething with resentment, knowing that her bank balance surpasses his and collects interest as he digs into his pocket. But The Rules tell you that a man paying is a sign that he values your company. Ag pleez, pass the sick bucket.
As for sex, if you want it, ask for it. If he says no, then accept it graciously. Isn’t this what men have had to do for ever? Take a gamble, ask for sex, have the offer accepted or rejected.
Come on, women. Wake up and smell the coffee. Better still, wake up and don’t wilt into drooping lilies. You’re just letting yourself down.
If you want him, tell him. He’ll probably say yes. If you want to get married, ask. He’ll say yes or no.
Don’t be coy. It’s silly. Be a woman and pay for your own dinner.