Maputo’s crocks gave way to street-loads of fancy sedans last week. The World Bank’s favourite economy is doing so well? Not really. Once you peeled back the special African Union licence plates affixed to the cars, the extent of big brother South Africa’s largesse was displayed. Mercs, Jettas, BMWs had come not only from Gauteng, some carried EC and CA plates.
Those however, were reserved for mere leaders. Biggest brother leader Thabo Mbeki was taken around in convoys of black BMW X5s. His bodyguards included a number of hefty boere lads — who said our prez doesn’t have a racially inclusive definition of Africanness despite his two-nation twaddle? Maybe he got the hottest cars because he’s paid his African Union dues and more. Leaders of indebted delinquent countries like Guinea-Bissau and São Tomé and PrÃÂncipe (before its oil bonanza and its coup this week) were ferried about in Mazdas with Mozambican plates.
Usually, Maputo airport is starved of international flights but those of South African Airways and TAP (Portugal’s carrier). It had never seen such a flurry of excitement as last week. Africa is short of lots of things, but not presidential jets. Flight controllers from South Africa were flown in to help.
And who said stony Minister of Foreign Affairs Nkosazana Dlamini-Zuma reserved the ice-queen treatment for hacks? Word is that in a hot debate on electing an equal number of women AU chiefs, the male leaders got a little hot under the collar because they saw the cushiest jobs disappearing out from under their noses. ”Don’t wave your finger at me, my brother,” she said to a particularly petulant type. Imagine how much more quickly PW would have crossed his Rubicon if Zuma had been a home-girl instead of an exile.
Truth or dare
The manne were alarmed to read the revelations in last week’s Saturday Star about noted Independent Group columnist Darrel Bristow-Bovey. Darrel has been roundly accused of lifting material for his book, The Naked Bachelor, from the writings of others. When the rookie who spotted the similarities confronted Bisto-Gravy about it, the esteemed columnist warned him that he might not have too much of a future in journalism if he took on his seniors (presumably implying his betters). It was suggested by one of the Dorsbult patrons that Darrel will in future have to write under a pseudonym. Perhaps PJ O’Bristow-Bryson would be a good choice.
Cross wired
But other funny things are happening at the Indy Group. Lemmer hears that a sub-editor of 32 years’ service was dismissed for the heinous crime of forwarding a Reuters story to a colleague at a rival newspaper whose access to the wire service was temporarily unavailable.
Roelf and Bob
Oom Krisjan — like most other South Africans, probably — receives at least three versions of the Nigerian 419 scam among his e-mails every day. They’re the ones that claim to be written by someone with access to a lot of shady money, who’d just love to share all this cash with you but who needs a little assistance (all your life savings, if you fall for this nonsense) in freeing up the booty. Usually the writer claims to be the widow/child of some recently deceased African dictator.
But Lemmer was a little distressed to receive one that purports to be from our own Minister of Social Development, Zola Skweyiya — possibly the most honest man in government.
This elaborate piece of fiction claims that President Thabo Mbeki has somehow siphoned off about $30-million from arms-deal money and intends to place this in a Swiss bank account if you, the sucker, can help him move it from The Netherlands. The interesting part is that it claims that Mbeki only marginally defeated his strongest opponent, Roelf Meyer of the United Demo-cratic Movement, in the last election, causing Meyer to turn to Mad Bad Bob Mugabe for assistance.
Frighteningly, there’s probably a couple of people in the United States — living at 1600 Pennsyl- vania Avenue, Washington, for example — who’d believe this taradiddle.
Family races
While Ralf and Michael Schumacher were duelling for the win at the French Grand Prix last weekend, Nicole-Nadine Frentzen was also indulging in a bit of sibling rivalry. As Heinz-Harald Frentzen guided his Sabuer around the circuit at Magny Cours, his 14-year-old sister took their mother’s Mercedes for an unauthorised spin around the streets of Moenchengladbach.
Nicole-Nadine was detained by police after she was caught driving the car with her 11-year- old sister Samantha and a 12- year-old friend as passengers, a spokesman for police in the western German city said. Her parents were watching the grand prix on television at the time. She faces charges of driving without a licence.
Readers wishing to alert Oom Krisjan to matters of national or lesser importance can do so at [email protected]