/ 29 October 2003

Have you ever wondered?

The whole spy inquiry is interesting. On the one hand it questions whether the second-in-charge of the current government is just another bribed and grubby politician. The secondary issue, from which the government is running scared, is quite simple: which high-ranking ANC officials took money in exchange for letting their friends be tortured and killed? Now that’s entertainment. To help you get a sense of the spiderweb structures that your taxes pay for, take a look at the layout of South African Intelligence Agencies.

And circumvently related to a look at our government structures and the intelligence services, try this site which seems to think that it makes sense to Marry Your Pet.

I’m always amazed that we’re a democracy, yet are selling weapons that end up killing people in wars around the globe. Is it just me or do the words ‘hypocrisy’ and ‘bullsh*t’ spring to your mind as well? Keep an eye on things at Arms Sales Monitoring. (Don’t forget to do a search on South Africa. You’ll find some fun info — like the outdated but still good reading SA Special Weapons Guide.

I ran across a cute speech by the last democratically elected President this country had, when he was opening Intelligence Headquarters. Read the text of Mandela’s speech as he spanks and congratulates the assembled audience. Mandela Speech.

And then, you recall all the hysterical whining about the glories of Nepad in local media? Well, spread this next article around, as i’ts a taste of the reality of Africa today — NEPAD: Repackaging Colonialism in Africa.

Speaking of Presidents, take a look at a great counterculture cartoon figure who’s been wowing those in the know since the early 1970s. He’s surreal, he’s different, he’s Zippy The Pinhead.

And for all those consumerist hamsters eating laxative cereals in the morning and gorging on junk food for the rest of the day and then wondering why they’re fat, go checkout the man who demonstrated extreme dieting in essence. He spent 44 days on water alone and he’s now out of the box. Go read about David Blaine.

Onto more important issues. What do you do if you have a creative urge, and access to far too many bras? Correct. You make The Bra Ball.

Here’s another question: You’re one of those folks who doesn’t know much about history or myth appropriation from earlier cultures and so you believe the stories about ‘Jesus’. But you’re clever enough to want to make a buck somehow. Now, remember snowglobes? Well, go stare thoughtfully at snowglobes using the biblical plagues as reference, starting with the locusts: Plague Domes.

‘Pop will Eat Itself’ time. Remember Adam Ant — from way back in the ’80’s when music wasn’t made by 4 multinational corporations? More specifically, remember Stand and Deliver which tested club speakers to the limit. Adam’s redone his song, in aid of the Diane Fossey Foundation. Now its called Save The Gorilla. Be afraid, and go watch the video online at Adam Ant — Save The Gorilla.

One of the best examples of the fact that drugs will keep you alive a lot longer than jogging is the Rolling Stone’s ‘Keef’ Richards. The coolest part about his official site is that you can listen to his responses to fans questions. Go dip into the barely coherent ramblings of Keith Richards.

Here’s something for kids — or at least stupid kids who are clever enough to find, bookmark, and read this column without their parents knowing, yet not clever enough to realize they shouldn’t try any of the experiments at Dangerous Microwave Oven Experiments.

He’s really old, lives in his own nation state and, according to those who were fed the story young enough, has some sort of direct connection to the alleged creator of the entire universe. I’m not talking about Yoda, but the Pope, in case you were wondering. A lot of people are scared of him — er, the Pope, not Yoda. This is a problem which luckily can be fixed, unlike my sentence construction currently. Go read the strange advert for Overcoming Fear of the Pope.

And staying with the religion theme, you probably bought into the PR exercises and have some totally misguided ideas about the woman known as ‘Mother Theresa’. Do yourself a favor and read the highly informative and interesting article: Mother Theresa — Fanatic, Fundamentalist and Fraud.

‘Adults only’ segment (mainly for the language used, not for any porn pics). It’s a silly, allegedly real experiment, but the real fun comes from the long assorted forum postings below the article. The experiment? Which is better for the skin: sperm or moisturizer? Something I’m sure that you’ve also wondered, at various points. Go read the wide range of often wildly perv comments at Cum VS Moisturizer.

Then you must have noticed amidst the rubbish and junk being sold to consumers that soaps are being given more and more ‘foodlike’ names. Oatmeal combos and suchlike are becoming commonplace as the companies try and make the brainless buy their products. Take a look at a man who decided to collect up a selection of the ‘foodlike’ soaps, and eat them, and offer reviews. Go to Eating All Natural Soap.

Did you hear the one about the Malaysian doctor, dietician, and college sports coach who were going to the South Pole? No, its not a joke. They’re doing it even as we speak. Go to Malaysian Antarctic Expedition.

We’re coming up to Halloween, but being in South Africa under a useless corrupt government, forget about children going safely from door to door ‘trick or treating’ as they do elsewhere in the world. Still, as you sit in your prison home, go stare at the great fiery uses of Jack O Lanterns at Extreme Pumpkin Carving. And then browse through the many cool Halloween costumes that countless kids have worn, at Retro Halloween Costumes.

Until the next time, if Yoda and Mother Theresa fans don’t get me.