‘History on four legs with a crunchy shell’ time. A tortoise, who was once a mascot on a ship during the Crimean War, died this week. At 160, Timmy finally gave up the ghost. Go read the fascinating story about the life of probably the longest living creature on Earth at Timmy the tortoise. And here’s the Washington Times take on the story of Timmy (who now is fertilizer).
This jist in: TV watcheeng maikes u stoopid. Read this news item which ought to make you keep TV away from your children. TV watching permanently ‘rewires’ brains of children.
Things to do (or maybe not do) over the Easter weekend or any other boring holiday, or election day. Take a look at morons in action. It’s a short clip showing two retards discovering for themselves firsthand what happens when you combine chlorine and alcohol in a bottle and then shake it. (It goes BOOM, folks). Watch Chlorine and Alcohol Bomb. A slightly safer thing to do is to make Matchstick Rockets.
Then, and I’m not making this up, you could always find yourself a really big wok, take it to an airport and try sliding down the escalators. Watch the glorious Jackass-like insanity of Wok Sliding At Airport.
Alternatively, and you may have noticed that everything from cup warmers to flashing lights are now available for you to plug into your PC via the USB port, how about doing something really different and Making Your Own USB Turd.
A quick bit of politics. If you read only one thing about 911, then do yourself a favour and read Theologian accuses White House of complicity in 911. And for a complementary article which adds more meat to the bones of the ‘hidden in plain sight’ bit of state terrorism we all saw that day, pause by Bombs Inside WTC.
You may recall me whining about Depleted Uranium ammunition (DU) a year or so back, and wagging a finger and forecasting much cancer and death for the poor troops and civilians stuck in any landscape where DU weaponry was being used. Well, I was right. US media doesn’t often mention DU-related problems, so read this rare news item about DU and US Troops.
And if you’re dumb enough not to smell the stink of deliberate covert ‘black ops’ in the recent convenient event of the Madrid Bombers who supposedly blew themselves up, then read the eye-opening article The Madrid bombers didn’t kill themselves.
Then, all you regular readers who actually look at the sites I suggest will remember that a few weeks back I pointed you towards an official GW Bush site where they stupidly allowed you to make and print your own posters and slogans. Well, someone woke up and realized that half the world was using it to create obscene and nasty posters, and closed it down. Some clever souls managed to save and collect the best posters we anarchists made via the site. It’s a 1.7meg download, but have a look at some of what got created at George Bush Official Posters Facility.
Okay, got past the politics. Phew! Now because my editor (peace be upon him) has this odd idea that I focus on conspiracy issues too much, I figure I’ll try real hard to keep away from politics for the rest of this column, and instead snipe at safe and easy targets – like religion, the ANC, and rightwingers, and also give away the endings to some current movies instead. (You’re fired. Ed)
Doh! Based on the crowds at local cinema’s going to see the latest crap movie releases, something has become evident: Not enough people have realized its saner to buy a cheap pirate DVD of said bad flick than to sit for 90 minutes in a cinema to discover how lousy the film is. Take a browse through a site which has rewritten and abridged scripts essentially reducing some recent films down to their basic elements, so you can see in 30 seconds or less how dumb they are, without having to waste any time. Go to The Editing Room – Abridged Scripts for Movies.
And staying with movies, do you know what a spoiler is? Here’s a spoiler, for instance, for The Girl With A Pearl Earring – Scarlett Johansen is a maid who gets painted and at the end of the film, gets fired from the painters household, and is given a gift of two earrings. There – I just saved you at least R20 for the ticket to find this out. That’s a spoiler. Heh.
So for more spoilers, first try (for movies from the 90s) – Movie Spoilers. Then, just to irritate people who actually care about the endings of otherwise forgettable movies which won’t be remembered in a year’s time, go find out all the plot twists and endings to latest movies (and then remember to tell your friends as soon as they say they’re going to see movie x) Go to The Movie Spoiler.
If the previous site doesn’t save you enough money from helping you see how dumb the plots are to the films now emerging, then cross reference with this site which proudly proclaims itself as “a resource to ‘poop’ or spoil the endings to classic, near-classic, recent and new movies.” Go help fight the SA movie distribution monopoly by reading The Movie Pooper.
Do you know any Christians? (They can usually be spotted by being the one who’re wearing a cross – which reminds me of the Bill Hicks’s line about “Do you think, when Jesus comes back – he ever wants to see a cross? That’s like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.”) Point being, if you know one of these misguided folks, force them to test their knowledge at the glorious online quiz called What Do You Really Know About The Bible?.
Here’s an example of a good Christian site (well, not really) … it’s actually a page by a 50-year-old Christian with a Peter Pan fetish. Go stare and realize that you dont have half the problems this guy does. See Peter Pan’s Homepage.
Last shot at the belief stuff. It’s really funny watching folks who know nothing of Paganism and who don’t know the real origins of Easter traditions, as they try hard to make it seem logical that telling children ‘a giant bunny rabbit brought chocolate eggs in the night’ has anything to do with the death and resurrection of Jesus. That said, and now I’ve finished laughing – here’s a good example of truth being funnier than fiction. Read this bizarre news item, Actors whip Easter bunny and upset children.
In real democracies, you’re entitled to believe whatever the hell you want. You can be a right winger or a racist and no one minds, because it’s a democracy. Tolerance of other people’s stupid views is part of the democratic process. So I don’t care what racial groups or ethnic minorities you hate, and I also don’t believe in any laws to ‘protect’ any race or group as this is undemocratic. (Locally, the whiney pathetic girly-boy bleatings of the ANC about ‘hate speech’ and ‘rightwingers’ shows that this country is a political fraud with little or no real freedom of speech anywhere in sight.)
As Apartheid, Nazism, and its forerunner, the Eugenics movement, taught everyone in the world (except the ANC) you can’t legislate ‘morality’. You can’t pass laws deciding what is ‘good’ or what is ‘right’ without eventually killing people somewhere down the line. History and concentration camps and regimes, stretching from Botha’s Bantustans, through to Pol Pot’s Khmer Killing Fields, show what happens when you try to legally enforce your idea of ‘morality’. This simple truism is something that no political party locally seems to have understood. Ergo they’re either all crypto-fascists, or fascists-to-be, keen and willing to tolerate nothing, while pretending to be democrats, and thus helping steer this country towards a future genocide. (I’d love to be wrong about this, but I don’t think I am.)
That said. There’s a very fun TV show in the US about a bunch of gay guys who are used as a sort of instant fashion-police to redecorate peoples homes and images. its called Queer Eye For the Straight Guy. So have a look at a flash page showing a right-wing ripoff of this concept, (you’ll need some bandwidth) called Right Wing Eye.
Blatant nudity time. The whiney cringe-making Canadian dwarf known as Alanis Morisette, who wishes she had the talent of Aimee Mann, took a poke at the upset over Janet Jacksons rather flabby teat-display recently. Go stare at Alanis onstage in a full ‘naked body’ body suit at Alanis Naked.
Being a classicist, I don’t do wallpapers on my PC — but I’m in the minority and that’s fine. For you folks who want endless collections of pix to help make it difficult to find your desktop files and folders, go grab goodies at Any Wallpaper.
Cartoons for the short attention deficit disorder folks who … hey, is that a cloud up there? Anyway, here are some cartoons featuring assorted cartoon cats and loosely based on a wide variety of popular computer games. Go have a look. It’s actually rather cool. Go to VG Cats.
Do you like questions? Quizzes? Do you find it somehow useful to be asked questions and then recieve an instant summation of how you supposedly compare to other people? Can I stop asking you questions now and just suggest you go to this large online free quiz site? Well? Go to Quizzing UK
Hey there’s a new way to be buried! No longer do you have to look forward to be thrown into a hole in the ground, or burned to dust and then flushed down a toilet somewhere. Oh no! Now you can be frozen and then broken up into powder. Mmm. I’d rather opt for cryogenics myself, keep the head, throw everything else away, and wake me up when nano-tech allows for it. Read Freeze Dried – The New Way to be Buried.
Remember the clunky square wheels that the Flintstones used to ride around on? Well, a scientist with clearly too much time on his hands has built a bicycle with square wheels. Go stare at Square Wheeled Bike.
You’ve heard of guide dogs for the blind? How about guide horses? Little ones. Is it real? Who knows. But they’re really cute – and yup, this falls into the ‘things that make you go ‘awwwwww‘ category’. Look at Guide Horses.
Transsexuals and the transgendered don’t have an easy ride at the best of times. Society tends to be pretty moronic and unthinking at anyone who’s different and those folks who straddle the fake gender-divide, which society uses to divide us, tend to threaten most people’s preconceived ideas of sex and sexuality. (Not me, though, I’m well adjusted and thus can appreciate a cute trannie without any fears.) But this leads into what happens when you have a trannie (or pre-op or female impersonator) who wants to experience the female-specific sensation of having a period? Take a look at an odd but quite logical solution to the problem (at least for those who see it as ‘a problem’). Menstrual Kit.
And finally, what do you get in the way of sex toys for the person in your life when its time to find fun new gadgets and objects? If they happen to be big on Dungeons and Dragons, or other medieval-type games, then it’s clear that they need both the Vibrating Dragon’s Egg as well as the Dragon Dildo.
Until the next time, if fake democrats don’t get me.