/ 23 April 2004

For goodness’ sake, get a cat

They foul your virtual living-room floor and go for walkies across your desktop. But cyberpets are no substitute for the real thing.

Conversing with a cat or dog may seem dotty to some, but it’s not as crazy as trying to reason with a machine. Yet, according to a recent overseas poll, one in seven computer users ‘often talk” to their PC.

Two out of five ‘feel extremely fond” of their computer. If you’ve become emotionally attached to your PC, virtual pets might be good company, but you may have difficulty bonding with your newly acquired neopet.

If you’re not one of the squillions of people who have already registered, some explanation is in order: Neopets. com is ‘the greatest virtual pet site on the Internet”. You get to choose a species from an array of cutesy creatures and animal creations, give it a name and select personality traits.

Your neopet may like reading and learning, but other options include ‘bullying others”. This author’s neopet is Lucy54182 and she is a korbat, a 159kg fat-headed bat with a forked tail. You have to play games (for hours) to earn enough neopoints to feed and entertain your virtual friend.

Your kids aren’t going to find out anything about real-life pet care (Lucy54182 was given a toffee brussel sprout, and that was from the ‘health food” shop), but they will learn about living in an advanced capitalist state.

They can open an account at the National Neopian bank, where they will earn 4,5% interest, they can start a business, go to malls, fight battles, encounter product placements for dubious junk foods and play a game that involves knocking down old stone houses so that the Neopian Planning Commission can build skyscrapers.

But be warned — the cyber inspector sees all: if you neglect your pet it may be taken away. It’s all very well in theory, but the only way children will learn about living animals is to have a non-virtual variety, ideally with close and compassionate adult supervision.

As for all the adults out there with virtual pets, for goodness’ sake, get a cat. —