Journey to the centre of the mirth
Once Oom Krisjan had stopped laughing, he had a moment to reflect on the appointment of Kortbroek as Minister of Environmental Affairs and Tourism — and decided that Marthinus was, perhaps, a suitable replacement for Mohammed Valli Moosa after all.
As residents of piesangland and the visdorpie well know, short pants are the attire of choice for tourists from Germany and Britain — sending a subtle message that those foreigners (with their pounds and euros) are very welcome.
And any lessons he might learn in the arts of conservation will be of great benefit in saving a highly endangered species: the GNU Gnat.
But, whichever way you look at it, tourists and other animals aren’t quite the Western Cape premiership are they, boet?
Bobbins
The manne watched Oom Thabo’s inauguration on TV in the Dorsbult on Tuesday and were appalled to see VIPs and otherwise sane South Africans greet the arrival of Mad Bad Bob and Madame Mugabe with a standing ovation. Had Lemmer been among the celebrity guests, he might have been tempted to mimic British gay rights leader Peter Tatchell, who tries to effect a citizen’s arrest on Bob every time the old bigot takes the missus shopping at Harrods. (Perhaps that’s why the invitation never arrived …)
But maybe the prez’s quiet diplomacy was … well, quietly at work when the northern nutter, who is known to be fond of pomp and ceremony, touched down at Waterkloof airbase on Sunday. The nose above the silly moustache must’ve been slightly out of joint to see at the end of the red carpet not Oom Thabo, not one of the fleet of Zumas but … Minister of Health Manto Tshabalala-Msimang (MTM), hardly the most senior or popular luminary in the African National Congress ranks. On the other hand, sending South Africa’s most obdurate minister to greet the region’s most obdurate ruler may be seen in some quarters as a token of approval.
Speaking of the Teflon Tannie, MTM must have had a little bird whisper in her ear that her job was safe — or have an ego even bigger than Oom Krisjan imagined — to call a meeting with key role-players in the private health-care sector a mere two days before the Cabinet was reshuffled to ”review and celebrate” progress made in transforming health services. There was no mention of HIV/Aids in the media invitation misdirected to the Dorsbult.
Lesser lessons
Of more grave concern to the manne than the lemon conconction worn to the inauguration by Graceless Mugabe was a report from up north, which quoted a South African police delegation as saying it had ”a lot to learn” from the Zimbabwean police, citing patriotism and discipline in particular. Commissioner Mpho Mmutle, chief of the Tswane Metropolitan Police Services, said they were in the country because South Africa and Zimbabwe had a lot in common. They should work together to stabilise the region, he said. ”We are more than happy to be seen around Zimbabwe supporting and sharing ideas on how to curb regional crime.”
Lemmer would have thought there were still enough CCB types lurking around at home to teach Mmutle and his fellows the finer arts of interrogation to make such a cross-border excursion unnecessary.
It’s as easy as (S)ABC
Reports of another form of unwanted regional sharing reached the Dorsbult this week. The United Nations information network reports that the opposition National Democratic Alliance (NDA) has taken legal action against the Malawi Broadcasting Corporation (MBC) and Television Malawi (TVM) for allegedly biased coverage of election campaigning.
The NDA claims a blackout of opposition parties by the public broadcasters. But the deputy director general of the MBC, Eunice Chipangula, was quoted by Capital Radio FM as saying that coverage of political parties was based on the number of MPs each party had in the national assembly. ”This is how we learned from South Africa when we went there to learn about political reporting,” said Chipangula.
Tower to power
The secret’s out — Snuki Zikalala has left the cushy confines for the Fawlty Towers of the SABC because he wants to become a minister himself. There’s been a stampede of hacks out of the SABC on to the party lists.
In Limpopo Ike Kekana was enticed out of his studio into the United Democratic Movement; the hapless former CEO of the SABC, the Reverand Hawu Mbatha, will preach from a parliamentary pulpit as a member of the African-hang- ’em-high-Christian-Democratic-Party, while Dianne Kohler-Barnard, formerly of The Editors fame, has joined Tony’s crew to fart back.
Just in case that route doesn’t work, Snuki’s keeping his oar in at his previous position. He’s still listed as the labour department spokesperson at http://www.labour.gov.za/docs/mediacontact.html
Doom and gloom
Oom Krisjan was, surprisingly, invited to attend a graduation ceremony at Rand Afrikaans University recently and found that the more things change, the less likely the cedilla will be correctly reproduced if you use the original French phrase.
RAU is soon to be incorporated and renamed, rebranded and relaunched as the University of Johannesburg, so it was with some amusement that Lemmer woke up during the ceremony, just in time to hear a verse from Proverbs. Never mind all the religious freedom stuff in the Constitution, if one is going to be un-PC, why not be apt and choose the New Testament? The ”last of days” bits might have captured the mood.