On Saturday in Cardiff, the FA Cup final. On Wednesday in Gelsen-kirchen, the Champions League final. Both showdowns are awash with unwanted players, dodgy fans and soon-to-be-poached coaches.
First-division Millwall, who have the ugliest fans in football (you doubt me, go see for yourself, I fit in well there), should never be anywhere near these heights.
But the unlikely combination of former England midfielder and failed manager Ray Wilkins alongside unlikely coach Dennis Wise has produced a side which can, when necessary, scrap against the best.
That’s something their fans aren’t bad at either.
Strangely though, talk of the FA Cup final, normally the dominant news story in the week before the oldest knock-out decider barring Cain vs Abel, is sparse.
The romance of the FA Cup is gradually dying; it is taking on the same sort of meaningless role that cup competitions boast on the continent, partly because teams are putting out sub-standard sides, partly because Manchester United decided to boycott the competition three years ago, choosing to go to the World Club Cup instead.
Ironic then, that United find themselves relying on this historic trophy, first played for in 1872, to provide meaning to a season of drift.
Sir Alex Ferguson, on the public address system at Old Trafford after the disappointing third place Premiership finish was confirmed last week, told the restless fans: ‘We will be back with the FA Cup.â€
He barely got a cheer. United fans want premier and champions league titles, not FA Cups.
But they should do it. Comfortably. Against a side which has slumped dramatically out of the division one play-off race.
Millwall’s only hope? Tim Cahill, the Samoan-born Australian who first represented his island at 14 but is now intent on playing for the Aussies at the next World Cup.
We know Wise has had emergency treatment on an injured leg, we know Roy Keane is doubtful, so I’m looking to Cahill to turn things the Lions’ way, but with no great conviction.
As long as Ruud van Nistelrooy doesn’t score the winner from three inches out, I’ll be happy.
Of course, United will feel they should have been playing a second final in a week at Schalke 04’s atmospheric home ground on Wednesday.
But they were undone by the in-demand Jose Mourinho’s Porto and a man called Benni McCarthy right at the start of the knock-out stages.
Porto are not a side with a huge European pedigree. We tend to think of Sporting Lisbon or Benfica in these situations when Portuguese sides make rare appearances in finals.
Monaco are slightly more fashionable, though they play their football in front of tiny crowds on top of a multi-storey car park in one of the tiniest countries in the world.
Their boss, Didier Deschamps, survived a tough semifinal against his old club Chelsea and that’s what he and the Porto boss Mourinho have in common: they’re both being linked with Stamford Bridge next season.
I understand Mourinho has the job, though you have to wonder if he can instantly do to the Blues what he has done for double-winning Porto. If, when, Chelsea sack Claudio Ranieri, expect a huge fall-out.
Wednesday night will see Fernando Morientes, the on-loan Real Madrid striker, take centre stage. Having seen a little of these two sides, the striking Morientes vs McCarthy battle should be the most intriguing on a night relatively devoid of glamour. Morientes was reported this week to be on the verge of signing for Chelsea next season.
Like Millwall vs Man Utd, Porto vs Monaco doesn’t quite have the same ring as Arsenal vs Chelsea or Real Madrid vs Milan, but they will have to do.
Here’s a final thought. Millwall, who have the worst-behaved fans in Britain by reputation, have already qualified for next season’s Uefa Cup by virtue of their FA Cup opponents Manchester United qualifying for the Champions League by final league position.
Can you imagine if one of the big Turkish sides is drawn to play at The New Den next season?