Making up is hard to do
After a pretty hard-hitting election campaign, Lemmer is pleased to see that Democratic Whatever leader Tony Leon is trying to bury the hatchet with the African National Congress — and not in Oom Thabo’s back, either.
But mending fences is never easy, as the princess discovered this week during parliamentary debate on the prez’s State of the Nation speech.
”We are rivals, not enemies,” he insisted — and tried to show that each party has its own support. ”The [DW] won approximately 75% of the vote in predominantly white voting districts, while the ANC won 82% of the vote in predominately black areas,” he said. ”Of course, the [DW] does not only represent racial minorities, just as the ANC does not represent only the racial majority.”
The olives withered on the proffered branch, so to speak. It was the only time he was heckled during his 25-minute speech to the National Assembly. But toney Tony kept calm and replied: ”Obviously the members of the ANC disagree with this statement. Maybe they know something we don’t!”
Tahr baby
Staying with matters daaronder in die visdorpie, the manne have been awfully confused about the row over how to get rid of the tahrs on Table Mountain. For those who’ve somehow missed the story, and to condense acres of newsprint to one paragraph, there is much debate about whether shooting these tahrs is the most humane [?] method of getting rid of them. Kortbroek, in his new portfolio of tourism and wildlife elimination, has decreed that the tahrs are degrading the environment of the mountain and THEY MUST GO.
The first time Oom Krisjan came across an item about this he decided that it must’ve been one of those words that escaped the dreaded Miscrosoft spell-checker. After a few Klippies and Cokes (and much scribbling on the Dorsbult beermats), Lemmer decided on two possible options. Tahrs could be the descendents of Russian nobility who have been living like outies for the past 80-odd years and have now multiplied to the extent that their begging is truly worrying Euro-laden tourists. Or tahrs is an anagram of harts and these critters are some glorified dassie. Oom Krisjan is certain of one thing: he’s never seen tahrs in the Groot Marico.
So, many thanks to Dave Marrs of Business Day, who took time off to inform Lemmer that the tahrs are wild, shaggy Himalayan goats that escaped from the Groote Schuur Zoo in the 1930s and have since been shagging themselves silly on the slopes of the berg, causing an infestation of bokkies that aren’t overgrown dassies. Okay, not exactly, but something like that.
Multi-ethnic mayor
But Oom Krisjan is not alone in being a Vaalie to whom the visdorpie is another country. Take the Sowetan, for example. In its May 24 edition it identified Cape Town mayor Nomaindiya Mfeketo in a picture caption as ”Nomavenda”. Lemmer wonders what she’ll be next time: Nomatsonga, Nomaxhosa or Nomasotho?
Doctor Knot
When Lemmer was maar Neef Krisjan he was often told that an apple a day would keep the doctor away. But a new study suggests keeping the doctor away (particularly the well-dressed one) might be better for your health than a barrel full of apples. New York researchers found that 47% of ties worn by medical staff at one hospital harboured bacteria and that clinicians were eight times more likely to have bugs in their ties than security staff.
Ties were recently blamed for presenting another medical problem. Eye specialists in New York suggested that men who liked tightly-knotted ties were increasing their risk of contracting glaucoma.
Check this
Lemmer’s frequent whinges about Bill Gates’s contribution to modern madness, prompted a reader to forward this ”Ode to the spell checker” to the Dorsbult:
I halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea see.
It plainly marks four my revue
Mistakes I dew knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait aweigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the era rite
Its rarely ever wrong.
I’ve scent this massage threw it,
And I’m shore your pleased too no
Its letter prefect in every weigh;
My checker tolled me sew.
Going for gold
The Greek swimming team are taking preparations for the Athens Olympics very seriously.
Eina
Dorsbult regulars who followed the England vs New Zealand cricket Test on TV last week would like to protest against the callousness of BBC commentators over the spectacle of genuine human suffering. England opener Andrew Strauss spent long minutes writhing on the pitch after being struck on the box by a lifter from Chris Martin. As he rose, unsteadily, to take his guard, commentator Mark Nicholas solemnly intoned: ”And there are two balls left …”